FACTS AND SCRAPS.

Southland Times, Issue 1749, 3 June 1873, Page 3

FACTS AND SCRAPS.

A Buddhist convent has been suppressed in China, and the unclaimed young ladies are to be married at auction. " I wish you would not give me such short weight for my money," said a customer to a grocer, who had an out- ] standing bill against him. " And I wish you wouldn't give me such long wait for mine," replied the grocer. A young officer of the British House of Commons wore a tremendous pair of " moustaches," on which one of the members said, " My dear fellow, now the war ' is over, why don't you put your moustaches on the peace establishment ?" " Had you not better put your tongue "on the civil list ?" was the prompt and happy retort. Vested Interest. — Money in the waistcoast pocket. " Do you try to talk a little common sense ! " exclaimed a sarcastic young lady to a visitor. — " Oh ! " was the reply, " but wouldn't that be taking an unfair advantage of you ?" A schoolboy says it is better to pursue pleasure than to " catch it." What mechanic's tool does a cabman most frequently resemble? — A screwdriver. Whose Fault ? — An Irish beggar was imploring a dignified clergyman for charity, and using an enormous number of sacred objurgations. The clergyman looked him solemnly in the face — " No, I will not give relief to one who appeals to me bo indecorously, but I will give you what will be of more value to you in your present state of mmd — the advice not to take the name of God in vain." Irishman answers — " And is it in vain I've been taking it ? and whose fault is that, I should like to know ?"— Pall Mall Gazette. Why is a candle-maker the worst and most hopeless of men? — Because all his works are wicked, and all his wicked works are brought to light. The sum paid into the Imperial Exchequer during the last financial year'by sportsmen amounted to more than half a million. This sum was made up of the following items: — Dog licenses, £279,425; game licenses. £189,824 ; gun licenses, £62,487 10s ;' racehorse duty, £9,521 Is.