MISCELLANEOUS.

Southland Times, Issue 1662, 15 November 1872, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

"Why does a girl lace herself so tight to dinner? Because she hears much stress laid upon " Grace before meat ! " Tiie light of a match will frighten a wolf away, it is said. But love-matches don't always keep the wolf from the door. A Philosopher says that for the period of a month before marriage, and a month after death, men regard their wivfcs as angels. r '^A Youn& lady at Council Bluffs, being informed by her " feller" that he intended to cease his attentions, cowhided him around the room, and as he sprang through the open window, told him with a parting lick that that would teach him to be more careful for the future not to trifle with a gentle and loving heart. At a recent examination by the Board of Education official, the following question was put and cleverly answered : — " Did Martin Luther die a natural death ?" " No," was the reply, "he was excommunicated by a bull." A bot, writing a composition on " Extremes," remarked that we should enidcavor to avoid extremes, especially those of wasps and bees. ' A Promising Damsel. — "Oh, mamma, I asked Miss' Brown what is dew. ' She says it is the moisture imbibed by plants during the nights of the summer months. Now, mamma dear, dewr is the condensa tion of aqueous vapour, by a body which has radiated its atomic motion of caloric below the atmospheric temperature." Call me George — There is a good story afloat about Mr Bancroft. The old fellow is quite a dandy, and very fond of flirting with the girls. Passing out upon a balcony one evening with a gay New York lassie, he began making love to her. She called him "Mr Bancroft." " Now, really, my dear Miss C ," said the ancient" beau, " you must not call me that — call m» George." A few moments afterwards they returned to the drawing-room, and njingled with the throng, when, to the amazement and horror of our ambassador, the mischievous girl exclaimed, loud enough for the whole company to hear, " George, I have dropped my glove ; please go back and look for it." George went, but has not returned with that glove yet. — American paper. A worthy miller, wishing for a portrait of himself, applied to a painter to have it accomplished. " But," said he, "lam a very industrious man. I wish to be painted as looking out of the window of my mill. But when anyone looks at me, I wish to pop my head in, so as not to be thought lazy, or as spending too much time at the window." " Very well," said tha painter, "it shall be done so." He painted the mill and the mill window. The miller looked at it. " Very well," said he, "but where is myself looking out ?" " Oh," said the painter, " when ever one looks at the mill, you know, you pop your head in to preserve your credit JV industry.',' ."That's right— that's right," said the miller. " I'm content — just so. I'm in the mill now, ain't I ? Just so ; that will do." The Rev. James M'Queen, one of the ministers of Skye, says that a man of the name of Macpherson, from the braes of Lochaber, came to him for the baptism of--one of his children. As he was a stranger, the minister aaked his name, connections, and what parish he had come from, and, in particular, if he had brought a testimonial of his character. " Huich ! a testimonial ! Phat pc she ?" " Why, it is jußt a written account of the character you have borue, and testified by the ministers and elders of the parish." " Oich, no, Mr M'Queen, she hadna brought her." " But you ought to have done it. What was the reason you did not bring it with you ?" " Pecause hersel' was thoughting she would pc as better without it." A Shepherd and hi 3 Dog. — A newlysettle)l minister in a pastoral church in Teviotdale, thus recently explained to the shepherds, his hearers, the relation which he meant should exist • between them : — " Sirs, I am coming home to be your shepherd, and you must be my sheep, and the Bible will be my tar-bottle, and I will mark you with it." Carrying out the allegory, he laid his hand on the precentor's head, and said, " Andrew, you shall be my dog." Andrew didn't see it " Sorrow a bit of your dog will I be," quoth he. " Oh, Andrew," said the preacher in explanation, " I spoke mystically." But still Andrew evidently did not relish the dog suggestion. "Ay, minister, but ye spoke mischievously," was his retort. " Hear, Hear." — Sheridan once succeeded admirably in entrapping a noisy member who was in the habit of interrupting every speaker with cries of •• Hear, hear." Richard Brinsley took an opportunity to allude to a well-known political character of the time, whom he represented as a person who wished to play the fool. " Where," exclaimed Sheridan, in continuation, and with great emphasis — " where shall we find a more foolish knave or a more knavish fool than this ?" " Hear, hear," was instantly bellowed from the accustomed bench. The wicked wit bowed, thanked the gentleman for " his ready reply to the question," and sat down amid convulsions of laughter from all but their unfortunate subject. A xgung man at a social party was vehemently urged to sing a song. He replied that he would first tell a story, and then* if they still persisted in their ..demand, he would endeavor to execute a song. When a boy, he said, he took lessons in singing ; and one Sunday morning he went up into hit father's garret to practise alone by himself. While in full cry, he was suddenly sent tor by the old gentleman. " This is pretty conduct," said the father—" pretty employment for the son of pious parents to be sawing boards in a garret on a Sunday morning, loud enough to be heard by all the neighbors. Do sit down and take your book." The young man was excused from singing.

Superiority op the Right oveb the Left Hand. — Dr "William Ogle recently read a paper before the Chirurgical Society of London, in which he stated his belief that the superiority of the right hand, in works requiring strength and skill, is not due only to custom and usage. His reasons for this view are that the superior power of the right hand is not confined to the arm but extends to the leg, and that it commences in the arm before use op education begins, and continues in spite of all efforts to resist or divert it. This superiority has a resemblaneato some malformations, inasmuch as it is hereditary and. is met with more frequently in the male sex, not only in men, but in a pea and parrots. The author further asserted that the left side of a right handed man is greater than the right, and vice versa ; and he cited seven cases of aphasia, among left handed people, accompanied by hemiplexy of the left side. He concluded by asking — What is the cause of this greater development of the left side ? And he suggests that it is originated by the greater quantity of blood which it receives. Racecourse Customers.—" Come, my pretty gentleman, let me tell you your fortune ! You are a fine good-lookiug darling, with your blue eyea and golden curly hair. You'd make a fair mate for the brown haired maid that's longing for you. Ah ! now do cross my hand with a bit of silver, and I'll tell ye all the good fortune that waits ye ! Ah ! give the poor gipsy girl a sixpence, sir ! You'li never miss it, and yell be rewarded by-and-bye! Let me tell your fortuue, B i r J" — «« Don't worry the gentleman, Madge — his fortune's made. Here you are, sir — three sticks a penny. Come and have a turn with me, sir, at the dolls ; and I've got a lot of fine new cocoanuts. I can see you are a good shot, sir. Here — I'll hold your horse. Joe, hold the gentleman's stirrup." — " Don't you have nothing to do with him, sir ; his nuts is all ollor. Try a turn with me — try a turn at the real original Aunt Sally. If you break the pipe you has " — " Come and ring the bull, sir ! You pays me a shilling for six throws, and I gives you a shilling every time you pops the ring on a short horn, and sixpence every time you pops it on a long 'un." — " Try the pictur card, sir ! It's only a matter of heye against 'and. Try and catch the hemperttr. There he is, you see, looking as bold as brass ; and I flings the three down, and it's for you to say which on 'em he is. There ! I'll lay fire, ten, fifteen, or an even twen ". — " Here, step it, Bill — 'ore's a bobby." — London Society.