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Southland Times, Issue 1330, 1 November 1870, Page 2

There is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at its flood leads- on to. fortune. A Massachusetts man, who has for some months sold a patent medicine, has just in the nick of time turned undertaker. A WashingtonJbelle jays—" In walk"ingup'a long room when the women who don't like you are looking at your back, there is a moral support conveyed by a Paris dress not to be derived from the firmest religious principles." The bonnet of the Period : The following is a young lady's opinion of the bonnet of the season: —" Oh, the bonnets of my girlhood—the kind I wore to school: I really thought thetn pretty; I must have been a fool. And yet I used to think myself in hats a jaunty miss. Perhaps I was, as fashion went; but what was that to this?: Oh, the lovely little pancake —the charming litble mat ! It makes my head so level, and so very very flat." The San Francisco Era gives a copy^of a peculiar certificate of character which one of its editors gave to Emeline. It reads as follows :—" She has black eyes and black hair. Whenever she comes home from a wake her eyes are blacker, and she has leas hair by three or four handfuls. Emeline is engaged, and her young man is the most successful assimilator of butter and sustar and milk that ever emigrated from Ireland. He is equal to any demand of this kind upon his stomach. Emeline has been vaccinated, bat it didn't take. This is the only thing about Emeline that we know of that won't take. Spoons take, and hemstitched handkerchiefs take, and she can nail more pillow cases and forks within a given time than any other girl of the same size and weight in the land of the free. Her * Sunday out' comes twice a week, and she can wash stockings in the tea-kettle more efficiently than any living woman. Her way of taking care of a baby is to hold it upside down by the leg until it bursts a blood-vessel; and if she washes windows she never sluices water down on the pavement unless a man is going by with a new haton; then ihe slings it around by the tin-cup full. Emeline's most unpleasant peculiarity is, that she always blows the gas but when she go&a to bed; but it is better to encourage this practice, in the hope that she will suffocate herself some night. She would be much more efficient as a good, quiet, docile corpse than as a seryant girl." This was "giving a character" with a vengeance. But the editor reckoned without his host. He confesses that this " recommend", must have been shown to Emeline's brother, because the latter.has been," sitting .on our front door step with a discouraging club for a week past, and we have gone in and out through the alley gate." . r • A Teopht of Self-Cultivated Skill. —Prominent among the objects of interest on view at the Working Men's International Exhibition is a reflecting telescope with specula of some 13 inches in diameter, equatorially mounted, and in other respects a magnificent instrument. This -is the work of a baker and grocer of Nottingham. It is atrophy of self-cultivated skill, and shdwsytke stuff of which working men are made to the honor of their class and the encouragement of hope in the future.