MISCELLANEOUS.

Southland Times, Issue 1045, 26 October 1868, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

A techy husband told his wife they could not agree, and must divide the house. "Very well/ said she, " you take the outside." " Bobby, why don't your mother sew up your trousers ? " " 'Gause she's at the vestry, sewing for the heathen." Women often go to the destruction of their husbands' fortunes through st«/-way». Often a man drives a pair of greys, while he himself is driven by duns. Punch advises farmers to sow their P'« keep their ITs warm, hire their Bs, shoot their J's, feed their N's, look after their potatoes' To and take their E's. Steam — water in a high perspiration " Katy, have you laid the tablecloth and plates yet ? " " An' sure I have, mem, — everything but the eggs ; and isn't that Biddy's work, surely ? " Let not every pain send thee to the doctor, every quarrel to the lawyer, nor every thirst to the dram-Bhop. • Why is old age like a dog's tail? Because it is in-firm. Men, in looking at the faults of women should shut their eyes. A man set his son to. studying law, because he said he was such a tricky little rascal, and he wanted to humor bia chief talent, ■ . . . - These are loving times, when every thing ia as dear as it J canbe. Domestic Drama. — Mother in the cellar splitting wood — Daughter in the parlor singing to Clarence Fitz Noodle the plaintive air " Who shall care, for mother now." .: Woman is the only tyrant that man should not resist. ' r ■ : ■••■-' To learn the value of money, try to borrow. When is a blow from a lady welcome ? When she strikes you agreeably. It is hard to live without a wife— no gentle heart to get up cold mornings and build the. fire. What is woman's politics ? Dry goods. Jonas says opera music don't have any more effect on him thanAyer's Pills oh a graven image : / - ' Why do girlß kiss each other, and men not ? Because girls have nothing better to. kiss, but men have. ' To what age does the dog reach ? Saus-age. A gentleman wrojpe : " There's not a globule of blood in my heart that does not bear your photograph." He had it very bad. Why is life the greatest riddle ? Because all mußt give it up. The Sandwich Islanders are descendants of Ham. A physician told a lady that if women were admitted to paradise, their tongues would make a hell of it. " And if some doctors practised there," she said, " they would soon make it a desert." Why was Herod ? s wife a Fenian ? Because she had a head sent her. Only one in five of the population of Spain can read and write. No wonder they are a haughty people, for pride is based on ignorance. A careless clerk threw alighted match into an open keg of gunpowder — but he'll never do it again. Woman's influence is powerful — especially j when she wants anything. Why is a selfish friend like the letter P ? Because, though first in pity, he is the last in help. At a negro ball, in lieu of " Not transferable " on the tickets, a notice was posted o\er the door, 'No gentleman admitted unless he comes hisself.