REJECTED ADDRESSES.

Southland Times, Issue 661, 24 April 1867, Page 3

REJECTED ADDRESSES.

- - * *" — — ~ We have received the. following letter, signed, " M.Mi" :— One evening some little time ago some friends and myself occupied a box in one of the principal theatres, and saw in the stalls an old acquaintance whom we had not met for many years. We failed to attract his notice, and missed him in the crowd on our departure. While trying to devise I means for discovering our lost friend, I proposed, half in joke, half in earnest, that we should employ the famous " agony column" in the Times.' This idea was received with applause, and I accordingly drew up the following advertisement, which, I thought, would be certain to catch the eye of the people who were in the stalls of the theatre on that particular evening, our friend amongst the number : — "If the Gentleman who was in the Stalls at the — — Theatre on the evening of the sth instant will write to the following address he will hear from the box above." • I went next day to ah office, and, requesting that the advertisement I brought should be printed as soon as possible, offered to pay what was necessary. The man looked at me very hard, and went to consult some one in an inner room. " Jorkins" did not appear, but his partner returned to say that he " could not send such an advertisement to the Times without knowing all the circumstances of the case. The Times was very particular. Many attempts had been made to use their columns for questionable purposes," &c. In short, the manner of the man was civil but suspicious. I felt indignant, and left the place, saying I would go elsewhere. I did so, and got the advertisement inserted by a stationer who had served my family for years. It appeared, but not for ten. days afterwards. I desired the answers to be directed to the stationer's, but I hardly expected any result as there were so many chances against my lost friend seeing the advertisement. Fancy then my astonishment on receivieg more than fifty letters, many dating from the chief London clubs. The first letter I opened puzzled me not a little ; it was evidently the production of a man of discretion, was written on his club paper, and signed apparently with his own name. The letter was as follows : — " My dear Madam, — I cannot express to you how delighted I felt this morning on taking up the Times and reading your advertisement. How exceedingly kind and thoughtful of you to communicate with me in this way, Pray let me know as quickly as possible when and where I may see you. lam burning with impatience to speak to you. Can we meet this evening ? Do send me a note, or better still, a telegram here, on receipt of this. — Tours most affectionately." The second letter was from a gentleman of a more lively and less respectful disposition. It ran as follows : — "Mia Carissima— l was delighted to see your advertisement in the .Times." b- lease don't keep me longer in suspense, but write and say if you will meet me at half-past four on Friday next at the Duke of "York's Column. Write and say if you can come to A. M. A., street. Good bye, Pet. — Yours ever and a day. ""The Gentleman in the Stalls." An impulsive gentleman from the Oxford Union Society wrote as follows :— "A. B. — Who are you ? When can I see you, and where ? How good of you to advertise ii} the " Times." Write to me at once, and tell me all you can. Will.it be of any use for me to run up to London? Shall I see you if I do? Write sopn to " . A very prolix gentleman wound up a long and affectionate letter with the following kind and disinterested caution : — "I wish to warn you against anybody answering the advertisement besides me, because there are plenty of idle," impudent people who might do so. If they do, put the letters in the fire, the only place they deserve. — P.S. I do so long for the time when I can see you again. I did not sleep a wink that night after I saw you at the theatre." The following note was written by some youth whose education hacLevidently been neglected, or, more probably, not yet completed :— " Having seen the advertisement in today's times I have come to the conclusion that I am the cause of your advertising for I certainly was at the — Theatre in the stalls on the sth and I must own I was very much struck with something I saw in one of the boxes but I never hoped till to-day that 1 should ever have the pleasure of making the acquaintance of the fair one I saw. We live unfortunately at. present at the opposite sides of London so that a meeting unless fixed beforehand would be useless but should you be inclined to make a closer acquaintance please write to me till we know one another better. Excuse haste. — Ever yours." A gentleman who begins his letter with . " Dearest being, whose image I Btill see before me," concludes it as follows : — ' " My passion is much too much for ordinary words to tell. All my life I have wandered about, mixyig in revolutions, etc O how I should like to stop ut last. Write to me soon; make some . appointment. I am thinking of leaving , England again. It's just four o'clock, all are in bed and fast asleep. Good night, j I'm not married. — Yours truly, [ " -I'OU KNOW WHO." One gentleman, with a winning perfeci tion of style, delivered himself as t'oli lows :— ' j "Tne advertisement in the -".Titties "' > of to-diiy hi-.s caught my eye, and haviug

been in the stalls of the ■ •— -r-rrrr. Theatre on the evening of the sth instant, and taking it for granted that A.B. is not only a lady, but a Itivety lady, I call to my mind the face and figure of an inmate of the box above me, and I wonder if the lady who advertises is indeed my 'inamorata.' I wonder and want to know more. I say I call to mind the face and figure, because it so happens that I admired both much more than one usually does the ordinary forms and phases of beauty which meet one in life and then: pass on to be forgotten.'* V One letter from the "Rag" was so worded as to suggest that the writer might have been the person we were in / search of. To avoid any contretemps, I cunningly requested him to send his photograph. The following reply fully disabused our minds : — "My dear A. B. — lf you do not remember me without wanting to see my photograph, I fear the portrait would not recall the likeness.— l am doomed, therefere to the disappointment of not seeing you again, unless by chance. Should you wish to go to any theatre I will send you a box with pleasure. — Your's affectionately, . I think it better on second thoughts to enclose my photo. It is considered a good likeness." The photo, referred to in the postcript was a picture of a drunken man looking longingly into the window^ of a gin-shop, with the words underneath, "Sweet spirit, hear my prayer." The last communication that I shall allude to was from a matrimonial agent enclosing a small pamphlet. It was addressed to the " many thousands of people of the highest respectability who are anxious to enter the holy and happy state of matrimony, but who for various reasons, restrictions, and obstacles, find it difficult, and often impossible, to meet with partners suitable to their respective tastes, positions,, and circumstances." He was sceptical as to " marriages being made in heaven " -7- suggesting the great superiority in this respect of his own office, and declaring that "in matrimony, as well as in other things, the Lord helps those who help themselves." He professed to have married 10,000 persons within the last twelve years — claimed the example of the Queen, whom he declared was married on his system, and contrasted his own beneficent proceedings with the horrible conduct of ( - the nobility and those in fashionable life, who are accustomed to send their mariageable daughters tothe matrimonial market of Calcutta to be sold to the highest bidders." — P.S. — I enclose the originals of the above letters — of course confidentially — for your own satisfaction. — " Pall Mall Gazette.