CHAPTER I.

Southland Times, Issue 655, 10 April 1867, Page 3

CHAPTER I.

Metis memmorit nos jocarifabulis. Argument — The system of constitutional Government existing in the populous and wealthy Province of Southland induces a resignation of the Blacklock Ministry, consequent upon an adverse yote of the Council. A fresh Ministry accepts office, and the following dialogue takes place at the first meeting of the newly appointed Executive. SCEIfE I —THE EXECUTIVE CHAMBER. Present : The Superintendent, Mr Peter Dalrymple (Treasurer), Mr Andrew Kinross (Provincial Secretary), and Mr Geo. Lumsden, Provincial "Watchmaker and Director-General of Southland Markets. Superintendent: Gentlemen —ln accordance with constitutional usage, 1 have requested your attendance here today, to lay before you certain letters that have been recently received from the Colonial Secretary. It will rest with you, as my responsible advisers, to take into consideration the nature of their contents, and. to return suitable replies. The following letter was then read by the Provincial Secretary (Mr Kinross), after a good deal of hems and haws, and frequent applications to his colleagues to assist him. At last with the aid of a pronouncing dictionary, the difficult task was accomplished. "No 842. "Colonial Secretary's Office, " Wellington, 24th March, 1867. "His Honor the Superintendent of Southland. "Sib, — I have the honor to inform you that instructions have been forwarded to the Sub-Treasurer at Invercargill to place to the credit of the Provincial Treasury of your Province the sum of £11,950 (eleven thousand nine hundred and fifty pounds) as soon as it shall have been collected from the pastoral tenants of the Crown. " The pastoral rents will in future be handed to the Provincial Government. " I have to request that your Honor will forward to this department a complete return of Ihe amount that would accrue to each inhabitant of the Province, assuming the above sum to be equally divided. " I have the honor further to request that you will cause to be compiled, at your earliest convenience, a statement of the nature and quality of the mineral products of the Province, together with any information of its natural history, and such other topics of general interest as no doubt your Honor can easily obtain from your advisers. " I have to state that the General Government is favorably impressed with the natural capabilities of the Province, and is desirous of affording all reasonable assistance in developing its resources; provided there is a hearty co-operation on the part of your Government. With this object in view, I would be glad to receive assistance from your Honor in determining the best method of accomplishing it. " I have the honor to be, " Sir, " Your most obedient servant "E. W. Stafford." Kinross —Eh, mon, I canna make it oot. I dinna ken what he's speerin at. (Dalrymple and Lumsden both pull out their spectacles and adjust them. Dalrymple seizes the letter.) Dalrymple: Hoot mon, you dinna ken the ways of polite society. It's plain eno\ (Reads it attentively tor some time, but finally lays it down with a puzzled expression of countenance.) Lumsden (smiling) —lt's verra simple. I am surprised my two colleeges *houldna' have seen the meaning of it before. All Mr Stafford requires is to ken how many bawbees every chiel in the Province would get if the money were divided. But aboot the nat'ral history I dinna ken. Dalrymple: Well, I dinna ken either; it seems muckle lamed. A mon must be verra cautious these times. Adam Smith says in his " Wealth of Nations " that— —— Superintendent : The question before you is the consideration of the letter of the Colonial Secretary. I must confess that the observations that have fallen are not calculated to impress me with any very high degree of your capacity for Government. Kinross : Na, na, yer Honor, it'B Only our first meetin'; we'll be better the noo. Dalrymple i Ter Honor I have a copy of Adam Smith's v Wealth of Nations/ He sayß : " When a country— Lumsden (satirically) i I maun thinkj 3?eter, that you hed better keep that Book out of eight just noo; see now it eanfUßes the Provincial Secretary 5 he no kens the meanin* 0' it, Kinross \ I dinna ken it—eh! I'll have you to know I ken it as well as you. Peter teada lot of it to me yesterday—didna you, Peter. Stick to your watches, my xnon, and your skeleton markety. He, he, be I I suppose you'll be wanting the Government to be turning that hole into a Jeweller's shop* instead of makin' rodds. Te maun be daft, mon. Dinna fash yer* Bel' aboot my schollerin* Lurasden assumed a pale, ferocious f^or, but said nothing*

Dalrymple : Na, na, Andy, we would na' spend a bawbee on such gimcracks as jewellery. Eodds, rodds, is what we want. I canna sell my land. Superintendent (intensely disgusted) : —Really, gentlemen, this is not the place for such discussion. Bo be good enough to proceed to business. Mr Kinross, as Provincial Secretary, I ask you to answer the letter of the Colonial Secretary. Kinross : Me, yer Honor ! na, na that's no fair, yer Honor ; I dinna ken how. ' _. „ Dalrymple (enjoying Kinross s dismay) : Andy, you maun do it, ye ken. I keep the accoonts and a' sic like vanities. Superintendent: By-the-by, Mr Dalrymple, that puts me in mind of a thing I was nearly forgetting. You will, of course, as Treasurer, preparethe necessary returns alluded to. It will take some time, and be a matter of some difficulty, but the duties of your office require it. Dalrymple (in agitation lets fall his spectacles, and breaks them) : "With 'umble respect, yer Honor, I wouldna think of doing it for the world ; I might mak' a mistake, ye ken. Andy there ought to do it. Lumsden (excitedly) : It seems to me, if we are required to reply to the Colonial Secretary, that we had better resign. (G-etting more excited) — In the name of conscience, how can we do it ? I defy any here to do it. (Hear, hear, from Kinross and Dalrymple.) Are we, as the Government, supposed to get all the information, and send it up to Mr Stafford? Superintendent : Certainly — as my responsible advisers you are. Of what i other use is the Government ? | Lumsden (very red in the face, strikes the table) : Then, all I have to say is, yer Honor, that I for one willna do it. I canna neglect my bi'sness for sic foolishness. Superintendent : Well, really, lam at a loss what to do; you done everything 1 in your power to turn out my former Government ; you accused them of being incompetent ; you raised popular clamor against, them ; you stated to the Council that you were prepared to accept the responsibility of forming a Government — of turning over a new leaf in the history of the Province — of causing retrenchment, and of doing everything, in fact, that has been a popular cry during the last twelve mbnths. You did not extend towards them the common courtesy of political opponents. You even accused themof being dishonest. You have disgusted men who might have taken an interest in local politics, and caused them to retire from public • affairs. And now I find you, at the first meeting of the Executive, on the first occasion when any of the usual routine business comes before you, not only disagreeing among yourselves, but positively declining to perform a very simple function of Government. "What am Ito conclude by such conduct ? Or do you imagine that you are qualified to perform the duties of legislation? Do you think your past conduct is such as to cause respect to be paid to your representations to the General Government ? Will they repose confidence in you ? Have you ever considered that in order to supplant political opponents, you ought to be prepared with cogent reasons for supplying their place ? During the delivery of the above remarks by the Superintendent a whispered consultation was being carried on by t lie trio, which resulted in Dalrymple saying — Yer Honor, with i all 'umble submission, we think yer [ Honor muckle hard. My colleeges and mysel'haveagreedto adjourn to the Albion, where we can have a long talk, and we'll dutifully return an answer tomorrow. Superintendent : Very well, gentlemen- — good day. Trio leaving the room — Good day, yer Honor. On arriving outside each took out his handkerchief and wiped the copious perspiration that poured down their faces, and then proceeded to their destination.