LITTLE PEDLINGTON.

Southland Times, Issue 622, 23 January 1867, Page 2

LITTLE PEDLINGTON.

LETTRS FROM TNVERKELLY. -;-.■ No. Till. . Thomas Tompkins, Esq-, Etjmtifoozle Squaee, London. - My dear. T 3 — These being stirring times with the Little Pedlingtonians, J take up my parable. We are at the present moment in the full blow and [flavor of patriotism, and very high flavored it is. Talk of the new scent " opoponax," it is nothing to the whiff of some of our patriots", particularly on a . hot day. To use 'a familiar -expression "it would knock down bees on the wing;" The s-rave, reverend,' and potent signors of Little Pedlihgton are met in high conclave in the Halls of Inverkelly's Parliament. - The subject, the extrication of our. Provincial apple cai*t from the bog. into which it is plunged axle deep. We have been singing out to Jupiter to help us,- but like the beast- he is; he fulminates his thunderbolts, in the shape of cheeky letters, and informs us we had better get ,it -put, ourselves. . .Qonsidering that any motive power we" might possess for. this purposerTs;7ir;hTS"hands,"this-is very-satis-factory. However "needs must when the .devil drives ;". so. the senatorial ixi"gynuity issettb work. ". Therels amongst' ,us, . as in other . coin m unities,: a class icalled -..' G-overnment. officials,"; meji, who are expected to do' the usual round of the official treadmill,, at ; as small a remunerati jn as ; will ; ' enable them to meet their" tradesmen's " ; bills; - which, desirable result is not always aeeoin-. Iplished; ' v. Whenever; the' capacity of .estate; jshunabJe; / to .devise " ways and means,"- for greasing the wheels of 'the i state i ; apple-cart, c the'Usu.'al report ist.an: . o islailght . 'on the \ 'afpremehfcioned; Class, .i-uid; "following,; this . /time .^honoured principle,. we have appointed a committee^ . rof - senators to, enquire into -the smallejJL. • amount 1 of ; sustenance.' -*ivhich a "-Govern_i;int^^pffieialahd.his.fam wilhont'ihiparrng.^ inentaly'anli.jphysiaiX organisation. ; ,, Eor mark. ;yo.u, \ thi* class is an exceptional. one. : We have, and are "content in so doing — to pay for -mere brute forced ordinary labor, a high price; -i-Bui- then' <we are; ah intellectual :-peopl^r^^-.iSP.w ; ' that a, bullock is worth more than a'ri intelligent,', educated man. Tou/ will' refer' ihe to 'the' "Wealth., of .1 Nationß," but Br Smith-had "hot tlae good :•.•■ fortune to live in Little Pedlington; or he ; would never hkye written rii_ -"* chapter . on "._ ,'.'. Wages '~. jaiud ;. Profit 'in- the .different employinents^'pf^XabQr!vanid. 'S.toct'.n j; iWe are;- aj "tall -country* -i and • above; -old-" prejudices j pur "'Apollb is a %ullbW"_.rfvierrlD^ Anaxa : JO*^rhig-^l£^^ the' ■*• wages of To reTul_f _o the committee; as an epitome of their trausactuww might bo useful to guide the think-

-___----—»__—_ ii Tiii :__—-_____-_____-_-—- --ing. mind oi; the old courifcryy I will- giv& ybu/a plight sketch of proceeding^ Tfre 'firsj-jst'ep as X have said was to ascerV tain th_^*nallest modicum of sustenance the human frame was capable of enduring, without collapsing. -We'have been .often told that necessity is the mother jof: mveritural ' Various theories were- ad-^ -duced. - One-member instanced -the -caseof the man -who -had-gradually brought his horse to live on one straw. The pertfectiqn however of this was. destroyed, by. the fact that the animal died on the ;day when heTgot the last one. It was - ; urged in defence that it was an illconditioned brute, of a morose and saturhirie ! disposition', 'inclined from mere obstinacy) fq r thwart his master's wishes ; some one suggested that he was perhaps and equine 'f Marcus Cur.tius," determined ,to sacrifice himself rather than his fellows should undergo similar pangs to those he had /suffered.-' 'He, however," was incontinently snubbed • the committee beins unanimpusly. of opinion. that M. C. was a myth ; for that by ho possibility, could any man ever have existed ? who, would have been fool enough to have sacrificed himself for others. It concluded, however, after some delibei'atiori, that the treatment to a horse was hardly applicable to a man, even though he was a Government official. Another deponed to the fact that in Ireland a herring was put • ■ insi de a bottle, and the b read rubbed outside to give it a flavor, while iri some parts of Scotland a piece of meat was hung to the ceiling, and potatoes pointed at it before being eaten, which was technically termed " potatoe and point." This had with the committee, one advantage, it" excited the imaginative powers of the officials and their families ; and thus while the carnal appetites were restrained, the intellectual ones were stimulated. As some of the members of this committee were also members of the Educational one, the idea was more favorably entertained than the previous suggestion. Still there was a degree of expense attached to it which was objectionable. It was urged that the meat hung up" would in time, particularly in warm weather and with the assistance of blue bottle flies, over which the commitee. had no control, putrify, and if not changed breed disease, when the confounded beggars and their children would be obliged to come to the Public j Hospital, unless indeed a law could be j passed excluding the class from' public support of any description; but, would the Geieral Government sanction it? -As to the herring theory,— it was obvious ; that although the fish might last an indefinite time inside the bottle, no sufficient security could be given to the com- ! mittee, that it would not be extracted by some of the official's children, should the Paterfamilias in an unguarded moment leave the bottle within reach. The young fry could hardly be supposed, to - - enter into the true spirit of the thing, and would be more likely to consult their appetites than the welfare of the state: So this was discarded as too expensive. The hardships undergone by shipwrecked mariners were brought forward. How they had lived on boots, on sharks, &c. But then oven old boots would cost, money to purchase ; and as for sharks ! this description, of animal' -at Inverkelly lived principally on : shore, and walked on two legs. Even the committee could not sanction, cannibalism, to say nothing, of the law, which would interfere with an official " bagging " a .in:m, and taking him home for dinner. At last, after much cogitation, and due imbibation of .No. 2., a brilliant idea was started ; that of living on the smell of an oiled rag. One of the members declared that he was cognisant of an instance where a respectable citizen had done so for a week. He found that under this treatment an official could support a family, say of six,. for at most twenty pounds a year, and that, the head of a department: - subordinates might do it for less, by getting an inferior quality of oil in which the rag might be dipped. This representation was favorably received, an amendment however, was proposed to the effect that an" ingenious official — and what was the " use "of having' one who was j not ingenious, might pick up a piece of rag, - and " borrow " the oil! in which case the heads of departments would be able to manage at -£15 per annum, arid subordinates at a 612 10s. This was with acclamatiohv ; The .'original proposer of ; the scheme' being of a sardonic turn of mind, and inclined rather to bone than flesh, suggested that each member who had brought for wardr^ theory should try it persoriaUy, for say, a fortnight, and; report on its efficacy.' ' The look of ..blank; dismay, with; which this suggestion was met was edifying/- The mere thought of. it was so staggering that ..each meuiber ..had to ".fill , rip ; his goblet before he felt abje to , grasp the subject. Then one and all declined the experimerit, and retired to a substantial lurich : with appetites quickened "by the hypothetical possibility of having.' to j live. " oh the smell of an oiled rag!" ,- I imay mention, that some of the members ,ob.v:. tairi a pound a day from the public purse, to compensate them for their in-4ellectu„l-exeTtiouFT6r the public^ weal. , Eerily a ; laborer is worthy ;bf his hire"! !'!' , ;! -:; ... Yours, ; . ,; TiMOTirr. Snooks.

As- Earl . Fitzwilliam .and party were.- ; out hunting the- other day,, at a place called Slack's G-rove, the day's sport was put an ehd to by an accident to Lady-, Mary -Eitzwilliam. JEer horse; lay • dqwn,; with her; "and rolled oh her. : : ;Th6 hqr^e.. , then .sprang up, and her ladyship ;8b habit hung- to 1 the saddle. Sbe ]i was dragged about a scorj3_yards before' she "gpif^ftt" libertyy and was very -kiuch^shajkeri. A 'oopi^'w^''.d.^j^c}ie£''i6 " Wicke'rsley for t a/carriage, but after a lapse of about a,.: quarter of- --"ah- hSuf^'hefo'^Myship waaFsufficiently recovered to mount her horse again,, a&4 to proc«@4 to Weatwgrth,