A WORD TO BACHELORS.

Southland Times, Issue 582, 24 October 1866, Page 3

A WORD TO BACHELORS.

The editor of an American newspaper went to another State, and took to himself a wife. On his return home, and resuming the editorial chair, he thus discourses : — ' And in announcing the fact of our return home with a rib, we cannot refrain from expressing our profound disgust of bachelorism and bachelors — and we expect to be disgusted with both — several weeks. We are well aware, that in days gone by we occasionally made ourselves ridiculous in the eyes of sensible men, by upholding the bachelor state as the only life of happiness, independence, and earthly glory. But we were young and green then, and of course knew but one side of the subject. Now, stand up here, you consarned ugly picters of humanity, rejoicing in the name of bachelors, and answer us a few questions. What are you fit for in this world? What interest have you in the ' generations yet unborn ' you read of? Where will you be with old men, if your vile habits ever pernvit you to arrive at a good old age? Won't you be like lonely scarred and scathed trees, standing in a big clearing without a companion, and your life unprotected from the frost by young saplings snd shrubs at your feet ? Or won't you be like pumpkins in a corn field,- more prominent, because of your prodigious ugliness, from the stalks at your side laden with golden _ grain ? Hold your heads up, and talk like men whether you can act so or not. Now don't you feel ashamed of yourselves ? Look at the girls about you, all smiling and svgar — hearts overflowing with love ready to be spilled on the first good fellow that can touch their sympathies — feelings rich as cream, which by a kindred spirit can soon be worked into butter, and spread all over your life, till you are ias happy as the birds of spring. Look ! at 'em, and feel the disgusting position you occupy in the cabbage garden of humanity ? — what are you holding back for ? Now, just reform — put on your best looks and your other coat — visit the girls, ice-cream them — then propose, get accepted, marry — and the country will rely "on you as a faithful and well-disposed citizen. _»_»«.

A Beab in a Bedhoom.— On Thursday se'unight a tame bear, which is kept by the proprietor of the Cambria House, got loose from his kennel and started on an exploring expedition through the premises. Finding a door open, Bruin entered, and made his way through the house, In passing through the hall he came in contact with one of the servant girls, en deshdbile, who, supposing that the bear was bent on mischief, fled screaming into a bedroom close at hand. Bruin, seeming to appreciate the joke, pursued her closely, and tcok his stand in the door. The girl seeing # retreat cut off, crept under the bed to hide from the monster. The inmate of the couch, a lady, being awakened by the screams of the girl, and seeing Brain making his way towards the bed, started up in a hurry, completing her toilet in a more expeditious manner, we venture to say, than she had ever done in her life before, and added her screams to those of the girl. The bear commenced a charge upon the fair ones, being evidently in a sportive mode. By a dexterous flank movement he cornered them both, and raising himself upon hind legs, he looked intentlj into their faces, as if to say, ' What dc you think now, my dears ? By this tim € the whole house was aroused, and cam i to the rescue of the besieged. Bru i was seized by "some of the masculine gender and taken to his kennel, while t h< frightened women were taken care of \> 3 the female portion of the house. The] blushed at having been seen in so scam an apparel, and afterwards laughed at th< groundlessness of thei? fright. — " Mil waukie Sentrael.'