LETTERS FROM LITTLE PEDLINGTON, INVERKELLY.

Southland Times, Volume III, Issue 272, 1 June 1866, Page 2

LETTERS FROM LITTLE PEDLINGT ON, INVERKELLY.

.$ • No. 11. Thos. Tomkins, Esq., Eumtifoozle Square, London. Mt Deae T. — In continuation of my letter on Little Pedlington, her magnates ' and institutions, I have first to notice in order the Executive Council. .- This institution has hitherto been composed of three (when you could get them together), and is presently composed of five (when you can get them together also) members of the aforementioned glorious and never to be sufficiently lauded institution the Provincial Council. Its chief duty when the aforesaid Council is in session, is to answer questions in such a manner that no information is obtained, and the questioner returns to his constituency, to use an Eastern simile, with his finger in his mouth ; also to lay on the table of the douse, when asked so to do, papers connected, or supposed to be, with the Executive G-overnment of Inverkelly, which is virtually Little Pedlington. As no one ever dreams of reading these ; or if read by the Clerk to the Council, no one ever pays the slightest attention to them ; this is easier work. It also brings forward several ordinances, required, or said to be required, for the better Grovernment of Inverkelly or Little Pedlington ; the usual fate of which I have detailed in mj previous letter. As these generally consist of amendments of ordinances passed 1 at a previous session, it is not very heavy work either. Nevertheless, considerable relief is felt by the members of the Executive when the estimates pass, his Honor the Superintendent informs his trustworthy commons that he is very much obliged for the assiduity, &c, with which they have taken their noblers, and intimates they are collectively and individually at liberty to depart to the enjoyment, or otherwise, of their respective domestic hearths . An intimation not all of themtoogladlyobey. For have they notbeen earning (?) their pound a day at the public cost ? and how long will it be before they do the same iv their private capacity ; and then, has not Cory don lost another opportunity of shining in the wordywar before his Phyllis ? was she not there eagerly listening for the burst of melody from his well strung harp, which, with Buyolic energy, he had assured her she would hear ! Alas, was that miserable piping quaver, the wailing of a cracked lyre, which was promised ? Poor Corydon he explains to Pay His that whav ering to a whin bush, is no just the same as clacking to thae Government chaps ; but next session, my certie ! ! won't I just up, and tell a bit o' my mind to the Counsel." Thus relief comes once more to the Bucolic mind. To return to the Executive, oecasitmally though rarely, a vote of want of confidence is past, when a new Grovernment is supposed to be formed. As there are so few members, and fewer still who can write an official letter, this is rather a difficult task ; and the new hash, is pretty nearly the old dish, warmed up. It is the Saturday school pie, formed of the weeks odds and ends. We have lately had what is here termed " a reorganization of the Executive Government," and great was the jubilation of the Duster." Alas for the expectations of the G-ods and Blister's, at the succeeding meeting of the Provincial Council, that illustrious body performed mentally, the physically difficult acrobatic feat, of jumping down ones own throat. In other words, every one ate his own words, and concluded * that what the late Government had been turned out for, was after all the only course which could have been adopted, and so we start fair again ; much edified by the past proceedings. The session over, the Executive have six months to devise how not to do it." These being only one paid member, the others of course don't bother much about it. Somehow, however, we manage to float along, quite as well now, at any rate, as our neighbors. We feel we have an imperimi vn.itnyperio, and it is very satisfactory. Next in honor is the Town Board. This institution flourished amongst us but a short time. It has committed yfelo de se ; not that each distinguished member has individually laid violent hands onj himself, but has simply cut short the thread of his political life. Let us, however, be thankful for even these small mercies. Its career while in the political flesh, was, though short, brilliant. It got into debt with surprising and praiseworthy rapidity, and wanted to borrow £25,000 more, which the General Government refused to sanction, and which is consequently one of our standing grieyances, Considering that the security offered WW

Eates, which were already mortgaged to the Provincial Government, you will agree with me, that tie conduct of the General Government shews a waut of fine feeling, which may be characterized as reprehensible. The Board, however, in its palmy days pretty well absorbed all the funds at its disposal, and all it could borrow, in making ■ at any rate one street. Need I say, it was the one in which the members composing it had their local habitation, and their names, the latter neatly gilt. But, alas, for the futility of all mundane expectations, no sooner was the street made than trade fled from it : the rates, however, are well mortgaged, which is satisfactory. Suddenly a brilliant idea strnck some member of this august assemblage ; " what the street wanted was lighting." Paris and London were lighted, Inverkelly or at any rate, that street should be. Presto — posts were erected, lamps lit. The latter have gone, snuffed out by time and circumstances, the former remain, a puzzle to, strangers, raising the question as to whether they were erected as gibbets for the. Town Board. At any rite, no member has yet been hung on them ; however, we live in hopes. A state of coma seemed then to have settled on the Board ; it was conceived the last achievement had thoroughly paralyzed its effete body. What was to be done ? " The Buster" as usual devised the remedy — " New Blood" was wanted, and 10, new blood was injected. Something was necessarily to be done to prove that the remedy was equal to the disease. And it was done. After careful investigation, and accurate statistical information had been obtained; it was found that the entire consumption of the inhabitants of Inverkelly in the vegetable line, striking an average for the year, amounted to at least fonr cabbages in one week. That there were only three fruiterers and vegetable shops to supply this enormous demand, that the market gardener's were victims t o the monoply exercised by these, and that consequently the public was at the mercy of these three caterers of cabbage. It was ' at once decided that Inverkelly's decadence arose from the absence of a vegetable market. It was determined that such a market should be erected , need I say, at that end of the Town, where the pulses of the new blood beat. A wonderful erection was the result ! I cannot describe it as belonging "to either the Gothic, lonic, Doric, Corinthian, Elizabethian, or any other hitherto known and recognised style. It is what we term the " Carpenters' Gothic." Be this as it may, its erection produced interest and anxious speculation on the part of the "New Blood;" not to mention a bevy of small boys; who probably speculated with precocious foresight, in its ultimately affording pleasant shelter lor the manufacture of that ultima tliule of juveile happiness, dirt pies. It was soon completed fbr it was a labor of love to the " New blood." Ah, how skilful grows the hand That obeyeth love's command ! lt is the heart, and not the brain, Ihat to the highest doth attain , And he who ibiloweth. love's behest lar exceedeth all the rest !" In this instance it would appear to be exceeded with a vengeance, . for when completed, nobody came to sell, nobody came to buy. Alas, Vhomme propose et Dieu dispose. lt is now stated that a market ought to be erected nearer the centre of the town ; an opinion which was pretty generally entertained prior to the erection of the one in question, though then scouted by the " new blood." I suppose some day the change will take place, for as as the mountain will not _go to Mahomet, Mahomet must go to the mountain. lam sorry to add that this remarkable erection has been latterly termed by the profane, "the Town Board Umberella'-" and, in sooth, not without some grounds. In passing the other day I noticed myself its admirable adaptibihty for such a purpose. It was raining hard, and beneath its hospitable arch I noticed two draggle-tailed fowls, a starved-looking dog, a hungry-looking pig, and a distinguished member of " the New blood," taking shelter. He, I mean " the New blood," not the pig, wore a severe and determined, though rather melancholy look. The tableau was affecting. You have seen the picture of " Marius amidst the ruins of Carthage." The present one was, if not so classical, equally affecting. It is only natural that legs clad in shepherd's plaid bags, should not be so classical as legs without any bags at all ; nor is the'eoat of the nineteenth century so picturesque as the Toga. But the resignation of the face, its stern determination to abide by, and defy the decrees of fate, was quite up to Marius. And then the expression of the pig's eye ! (By the way, there is no pig alongside of Marius) I never would have believed that porcine eye could have expressed so much. It was turned with a reprorchful look on the member, " the New blood," and if ever eye spoke, it did, " where are the cabbage stalks, echo anwers where?" As I turned away a sadder and I trust a wiser man, tbe cock gave a feeble, most feeble crow, the dog howled, the pig grunted, and the " New Blood" sniffed. After this • last achievement, the Town Board became defunct. Let us in charity write on its tomb for it much needs it, AReguiescat in pace, but not by any means AResurgarn. Yours truly, Timothy Snooks.