ARTEMUS WARD TO THE PRINCE OF WALES.

Southland Times, Volume III, Issue 23, 30 December 1863, Page 5 (Supplement)

ARTEMUS WARD TO THE PRINCE OF WALES.

Friend Wales, — You remember me. I saw you in Canada a few years ago. 2 remember you, too. I seldim forgit a per- I son. I hearn of your marriage to the Princess Alexandry, & ment ter writ you a eongreetoolatory letter at the time, but I've bin bilding a barn this summer, and hain't had no time to write letters to folks. Excoose me. Numeris changes bastooken place since we met in the body politic. The body politic, in fnck, is sick. I sumtimes think it has got biles, friend Wales. In my country we've got a war, while your country, in conjunction with Cap'n Sems of the Alabarmy, manetanes a nootral position ! lam afraid I can't goaks, when I set about it. Oh no, I guess not ! Yes, sir, we've got a war, and the tru Patvit has to make sacrifisses, you bet. I have alreddy given two cousins to the war, and 1 stand reddy tv sacrifiss my wife's brother rather'n not see the rebelyin krusht* And if wuss comes to wuss I'll shed ev'ry drop of blud my able- bodied relations has got to prosekoot the war. I think somebody oughler be prosekooted, & it may as well be the war as any body else. When I git a goakin fit onto me it's no use to try ter stop me. You hearn about tbe draft, friend Wales, no doubt. It caused some squirmin', but it was fairly conducted, I think, for it hit all classes. It is troo that Wendiil Philips, who is a American citizen of African scent, 'scaped, but so did Vallandig?um, who is Conservativ, and who was resuntly sent South, tho* he would have bin sent to the Dry Tortoogus if Abe had 'sposed for a mi nit that the Tortoogusses von Id keep him. We hain't got any daily paper in our town, but we've got a female sewing circle, which answers ihe same purpass, and we want long in suspends as to who was drafted. One young man who was drawd claimed to be exemp because he was the only son of a widow'd mother who supported him. A few able-bodied dead man was drafted, but whether their heirs will ha\e to pay 3 hundrid dollars apiece for 'em is a question for Whittn', who 'pears to betinkerin' up this draft bizniss right smart ; I hope he makes good wa^es. . . . My object in now addressin* you is to give you sum ad vvice, friend Wales, about nianagin' your wife, a bizness I've had over thirty years' experience in. You had a good weddin. The papers hay a good deal to

say abont " vikins " in connection tharewith. Not knowing what that air, and so I , frankly tells you, my noble lord dook of the throne, 1 cant 'zactly say whether We ' had 'em or not. We was both rery mttch | flustrated. But I never enjoyed myself j better in my life. Dowiless, your supper was ahead of our'n. As regards eatin' uses Faldinsville was allers shaky. But you can git a good meal in New York and cheap too. You can git half a mackril at Delmonico's or Mr Mason Dory's for six dollars and biled pertaters throw'd id. As I sed, I manige my wife without any par'ticler trouble. When I first commenst trainin' her I inslitooted a series of experiments and them as didn't work I abanding'd. ¥ou had better do similer There's-. varis ways of managin' a wife, friend Wales, but the best and only safe way is to let her do jist about as as she wants to. I 'dopted that there plan sum time ago, and it works like a charm. Remember me kindly to Mrs Wales, and good luck to you both ! and as years roll by, and accidents begin to happen to you — and your responsibilities increase— you will agree with me that family joys are air the only one a man can bet on with any certainty ofwinhin*. It may interest you to know that I'pr prosperin' in pecoonery pint of view. I make bout as much in the course of a year as a Cabinet offisser does, and I understan' my bizness a good deal better than some of them do. Respects to St George and the Dragon, — "Ever be happy." A. Ward.