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Southland Times, Volume III, Issue 14, 9 December 1863, Page 3

■Sot Lknt. — A lady goin^ to church on Ash- Wednesday, finding Jier scat already occupied, revested the pew-opener to vememlier lhat ti'.thou^h it was AshWednesday, the pew was not lent.

\Vhy are policemen like the days of man? Because they are numbered.

A younff wife renionst rated with her hu.sliand, a dissipated spendthrift, on his eornlurt. '' ]\ly love." said lie, " I am like the prodigal so. 1 ) ; I will reform !>y-and- l>ye." "And I will be like the prodigal son, too," she replied, '• {'or I will ari^e and go to my Father :" and off ahe

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A farmer, who, to marry «i rich wife, repudiated his engagement with a l.xly of less wealth, said to a clergyman who told him it \v;is wron^ and tluit he didn't know any thins like it, " If you do not, person, I do ; it's like your leaving a poor parish for a rich one."

A Scottish advocate, who, in his bro.nl Scotch, pronounced the won! wuter " wetter,'' being asked in court by tho Chancellor if he spelled water wiih two t's, replied, "No, my lord; but I spell manners with two n's.

A Sporting Conundrum, — Why is a had shot like an amusing fellow ? Because lie is the hoy to keep tlie game alive?.

VVhv didn't tlie last dove return to the avk I Because she had sufficient yrotual foi" remaining.