MY NEIGHBOR AT THE THEATRE.

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 100, 12 October 1863, Page 5 (Supplement)

MY NEIGHBOR AT THE THEATRE.

(fwm Oi»« « Week). _ T have a grievance, one. of o\i s.bandk I too, and it ia a wonder" therefore E»tl have ° ot loDff ere this rusho ' 1 Co print with the true British feeling. rt £ CO urse of letter-press is the only I vstcm o f blood-letting applicable to Lh • c ase - - etter to tlie T fa es JM 8 - P!!nv a time arrested a fever, if, indeed,* fit has not in some instances prevented f suicide. Pray let me, therefore vent, f a feelings this once, and consider that Reading my grumblings you may have Larded off &om me an attack of brain If ver. My grievance is this : I can't, ihat is, I am not allowed, to enjoy the Iheatres as I would. lam an old playgoer. I was brought up-from my early ihildhood 1° in theatrical L^semenb, bdth^ n^y; parents having fen enthusiastic admirers of --this l kind; jfof entertainment, ; and intense belie verS; L Edmund SKsan, tn'e Kembles, and ijlher celebrities of their day. Do I tt remember how often 1 have heard Ihem speak of going twenty nights in Inccessiori to see Grimaldi in the panlomime of ""MotherT r Goose," the first fcantomime» a&>l have been told, which lad a comic opening ? But all this by | he W ay— l speak of my theatrical expeliences, not of those of my forefathers, |,have-stated, my .grievance to be, that \n\\h a strong predisposition for the. Irama, I <am not allowed to enjoy it, lad why ? Why, because I am always Innoyed by; my neighbor! Now I Ijmaftk from an experience of a good %,any years, . during several of, -which I IWs a constant-attendant et tite different theatres from pure love of the Ihing, and during 'the last few years of IVhich 1 have been equally assiduous |a my visits from severe -comIpulsion, having been engaged to i£do" the theatres for weekly paper of; ircat celebrity aud increasing circulation, throughout the whole period, Ihowever, I can safely say that two out lif three of my evenings, so far as enjoyiinent goes, have been marred by my Neighbor. Are all theatre-goers Equally afflicted, or is it a special ban tiipon me? My tormentors assume imanifold forms of annoyance-; so manifold, indeed, that I do not expect to be to recollect each of the varieties, fjmt pray bear in mind that, of each form I am going to instance, I have linet with repeated examples. Igo to ;jee a favorite actor, Fechter orCharles fKean, in one of Shakspeare's tragedies. (1 go early, and find myself seated next loan old gentleman evidently a devout admirer of the immortal bard, and well ;Hip ia all the different -readings of particular passages adopted by actors of Cmy day., and also those of his yjunger days. Thinks Ito myself, well, lam in luck to-night at all events, especially pvhen the oki gentleman says, " Now, young man, recollect if you.please, that, though it gives me great pleasure to with you before the curtain goes lop 1 and the more so as I find you really |seem to understand something about; fShakspeare, and the way his text ought $0 be rendered, it will annoy me exceslively if you make any remarks to me %fter the curtain is once up, till the act(3rop descends." -I hasten of course to §ts3ure the old gentleman that his sentiments upon this point are in exact accordance with mine, and we are there||pon great friends. We are -in the the curtain rises, and all is |rapt attention for the first scene of '§ Hamlet," which, as the Ghost appears immediately, soon becomes very fexciting. While the two soldiers are I look with some uneasiness at four empty seats next to me, feeling sure that the "party " will arrive late, and iv the midst of an interesting Speech. The Ghost, however, arrives |efore them, and the whole scene .passes, off, with those benches yet -remaining I begin to nourish a hope that |hey will remain so. Scene "11. Enter the King, Queen, Hamlet, Folonius, &c., &c. The King's long introductory speech over, he reaches at length the words : — IS" But now, my Cousin Hamlet and my son." Sam. " A little more than kin, and less than r i|| kind.'' " -[Aside. || Box-keeper — Party for box 12, four Beats in the front row. — [Bang, bang, go to the seats] — Will you take a book of the play sir ? | Paterfamilias— Book of the play, let's ice ; let's see ; no, no, get it in my "brary at home. Now Jane, you come and sit next me. l^ne— Oh, no, Pa; I think Tom Jwould rather be next you. fi The old Gentleman — Hush, hush. f| Myself— Hush, hush, hush \ || People in next box — Silence there. p Paterfamilies and Co. look rather brightened; soon, however, younger branches seem to recover, and when Mr ;Kean is commencing : S '" Oh that this too, too solid flesh would melt." || The son inquires of his papa, quite Ijidibly, •« Who is that short gentleman i|i black velvet, Pa?" ?% His Papa whispers to him that he's not sure, but he'll look at the bill, a inference to which enables him to inform us son that it is PoloniusJ || But I need not carry the agonies of th;is performance further; you will of course understand that the same kind w criticism is carried on through the lye acts. I should mention, however &at when, after the end of the scene' tetween the Queen and Hamlet, in the ||lird act, Paterfamilias announces in fn authoritative tone to his family, H'-That he isn't sure, after all, whether |at fellow isn't Hamlet himself , — " | "My friend!" the old gentleman, lpP» u P> exclaiming, ;'"l can't stand P any.longer ! !•'.*.. and after wishing me ijhurried good-night, rushes out of the |eatre.' . / :: -~' 7 .'; ]"\ : ' : '' : " / ' : ■ ■ ■ % Sometimes I -get for a neighbor, a ijlow who i? the very antipodes of

Paterfamilias; that is, knows all the aotors and actresses' too well, informing the people around* him (albiet, perfect strangers to 1 him) i 1 -*- ' > '£<"*< <H ' '"Ah,' ahV there's Tiddy ■ Wright; ; what a, chap, he is,,- and., there's Sarah Jane !" - >; - r ' ' -<'',•'• ( ' ' > 11 Who, 3na/ f £ aik, !is Sarah Jape V' inquired a staid-looking individual. ' '* /' Ob', why,' Miss Woolgar, to be sure. Every, one cans iher Sarah Jane/ . . And so on, down to the man who brings in a. "message ; even, he is known by hfs Christian name. Now, I ask, is this sort of neighbor not irritating ? But I haven't nearly dene yet. There is (arid this neighbor is a particular aversion of mine), the man or woman who sits next you, and has a method of laughing, the effect of which is a "hiss/ so like it that I have,"on several occasions, heard an indignant audience insist upon an mdi vidual being "turned out," who was enjoying the performance quite as much as themselves, but suffered from this unfortunate mode of exp.-essing his or her enjoyment. 'Closely allied to this is another class of people, who, at every smart saying or bit of repartee in a farce, emit a " cluck " with their tongue against the roof of the mouth, which, if I had to endure it forlotiger than an hour or bo at a stretch, wouldinevitably send me into an asylum. Another case or 9 two, and I think I have adduced sufficient ■instances to show that I have been in the matter of theatrical amusements a thorough martyr. Igo to hear a favorite opt-ra ; my fate places me either next a person who has never heard the opera before, but has a book of it, which he studies careful y. and as each air comes on, interrupts my enjoyment of it to ask me to point out, in his book, " where they are now ;" or, I am planted in the upper-boxes, next a fellow " with a voice who knows all the airs, and sings them in an undertone, zoith the performers. Again, Igo to see a burlesque, which has made a great sensa tion, the points and hits at passing events of the. day are so telling and so plentiful. My usual luck attends me here, too. I sit next a habitue of the theatres, whom I know slightly ; but he has, poor man, a friend from the country with him, who, being unaccustomed to this sort c.f thing, fails to catch the points and allusions, and at each burst of laughter from the audjence, you hear him: "Eh, what; what was that ? I didn't quite catch that," what did he say ?" Anon, I go to see a three-act drama of " thrilling interest," my immediate neighbor has a book ; his immediate neighbor (a stranger to him) hasn't a book, and presumes on that urbanity which marks th^ British playgoer to ask my neighbor, every five minutes, if he will allow him to look at his book "just for a moment only — a moment; very sorry to trouble him indeed. Let's see, where is it ? Oh, here, yes ; thank you. Rather complicated, the plot; — don't you think so, sir?" I, unfortunately, have an opera-glass, so my next but one neighbor, in the intervals, during which he thinks fit to allow the rightful owner of the book to have possession of it, leans across him to me and borrows my glass, just to see " whether that isn't a friend of his on the other side of the house ;" and having satisfied himself that it isn't, first stares right and left, and then quietly returns it with neither apology nor thanks. Again, I once went to see Madame Ristori in "Adri^nne Lecouvreur. 1 ' I did" not dream of feeling my usual an- > nbjances on such an occasion as this, the theatre being small, and the sort of performances appealing only to the sympathies of a limited circlr, and that circle one of superior breeding and intelligence ; but vain hope, — the curtain had not been up two minutes before I found I was oppressed by my usual bugbear. Two ladies sat in the stalls next to me, the one with a " book of the play " in her hand, in Italian and English, from which she read the play to her friend, in the vernacular, as it proceeded. No-w, I have no doubt, these two ladies, on their return home, were enthusiastic in their criticism of Madame Ristori's delineation of the character she represented, but seeing that their undivided attention was given to the book during the whole performance, it does seem to me that they might have enjoyed the play quite as much by reading it at home ; and, I may add, the arrangement would have been considerably more satisfactory tome. I had nearly forgotten another oete noir of mine at the theatre, from whom I very often suffer. This is an didividual who, at a farce, burlesque, or pantomime, never allows the faintest smile to pass over his facjji.' Ido not know why, but a man of \ this " genus" exercises a sort of serpentlike fascination over me, so that, although I loathe him, ; I cannot restrain myself from constantly watching him, and at each sally which sets the house in a roar, I find myself turning round to look at the brute to , see if he has been able to withstand that last joke, and there behold him with the same stolid look either of perfect indifference, or pity for the poor idiots who can be amused with such childish nonsense ! Now this sort of. fellow spoils my evening completely. I get restless and uncomfortable; why doesn't he go away instead of remaining to. look so martyrified ? — why does he stop and make me nervous ? This last instance, however (for I really must make an end of my grumblings), has fairly exhausted my patience, and probably that of my readers also ; but I tnlnk I have made out a case, if not for legislative interference^ at all events for the sympathies of a British public in favor of a poor playgoer.