LETTERS FROM LITTLE BRITAIN.

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 85, 28 August 1863, Page 2

LETTERS FROM LITTLE BRITAIN.

l'.Y THE MAN IN THE MOON. No. VII. " They have been tu' f r weeks thegithir." Burns. "All who view the idiot in his glory, Conceive the bard the hero of the story." Byron. " Thore is no God but Allah, and Mahomet is his prophet ; " so say the Turks. Here, in Little Britain, we shout, "There is no oracle but the Exploder, arid Weathercock is its editor." The "Exploder" is now profusely illustrated ; the plates are chiefly anatomical, and under the direction of an eminent surgeon. Last week they consisted of no fewer than seventeen exquisite engravings of the human hand ;■; one at the head of each paragraph. The paper teems -with brilliant projects for the general good. First comes the poet laureate, Mr Donald Muff, who with the following charming lines : — " 0, I love to fish for salmon la a sw.;otly pretty brook, With a piece of bread ancl jam on The end of my fish-hook." heads a splendid article on the introductionof salmon, which he thinks "would be really a good thing, for it would be so nice you know to tee the dear little creatures, of the order Leguminosae Cryptogamia Dycoteledous, disporting themselves in the pellucid rivulets." Mr T). M., suggests that the young salmon should be brought up by cows, so that we may expect dairy -fed salmon to be ' soon as common here as dairy-fed pork elsewhere. To avoid destruction of the young j ones, he proposes sifting them through a large sieve when any are to be caught, the sieve to be worked by a steam engine. Mr Weathercock calls attention to this article in a paragraph, apostrophising Mr Donald Muff as the Isaac Walton of Little Britain, both fisherman and poet, being the talented author of " Lines to a bleeding Nose," "Lvergteena and other poems," "Gee-woh, or the Lovers, 1 ' &c, besides the fine odes which have from time to time appeared in the "Exploder." Next comes a Mr Peter Symple, formerly an Ayrshire weaver, who desiring to have out some of his fellow weavers from the town of j Grubby, at the public expense, prompts Mr W. to propose that a free Jirst-ckdss passage be given them to Little Britain. Soon appear half-a-dozen fliiming articles strongly urging that a flrst-class overland passage be given to 1,000 of the Grubby weavers at L l 5O per head and that they be allowed a pound a week pocket mouey on -rthe voyage, the allowance to be doubled on la nding — the -funds to be raised by a tux on all improved land as suggested by the chief cashier, Mr Daniel Crammers, who observed on, the occasion, " I'm blowed if that arn't be ah awfully stunning move to stop chaps having these beastly little farms ; it will be precious jolly, to make those rummy coves stump up the rhino ; it'll take them down a peg or two like bricks, and make them sing deuced small to be hard up for a bit The Opposition journal made a number of silly objections to the scheme, and thereby elicited another thunderer from Weathercock, who pointed out that the whole argument was invalidated and renderedfallacious bythe letter " a" in the word " and" being, turned on its side thus, "cc nd" From that moment all opposition ceased and the Grubby weavers are to come by the first mail on pledging, themselves to support l)r Faustus and get Mr Donald Muff, Mr Duncan Macbeth, and Mr Peter Symple into the Vestry Parliament. , That tiresome man, Mr Theodore Beale, is tormenting the Government to have a cheap railway to the diggings, instead of the tight -ropes, day canals, and bundles of straw and spikes. Poor Dr Faustus is almost in despair, for some wicked creatures have actually declared that Mr Beale would make a better " chief" than himself ! ! ! ! Every one is perfectly aghast at this .horrible idea. The man who opposed all' his super-illustrious-ness's pet plans for tight ropes,. &c, to depose and succeed tlio doctor himself J!! Dreadful!!! Fosco.