LORD DUNDREARY IN VICTORIA.

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 69, 3 July 1863, Page 5 (Supplement)

LORD DUNDREARY IN VICTORIA.

HE VISITS BALL A RAT AND MAKES TWO EIDDLKB. f From the Melbourne Punch.) "Well, Gu9, out with the riddle, no doubt it is a very good one." "Yarth, yarth, it is vewy good, I think, becauthe no one is ever likely to gueih it —that is to thay, they won't gueth it unleth they find it out " " ()f course, of course." " Well, Tham, if you or any other perthnn were to thee a waiter pwescwihingfor ophth —ophth —ophthalmia what would you, Tham, or the other perthon think of it?" *' I can't guess, Gus, not I, the question is such a queer one." *• Yarth, of courthe you know the more queer the question the better widdle. Well, if you thaw a waiter pwescwibinj* for ophthalmia, would you not think him a great cure~eye-otMty, eh, Tham ?'' «' Yes, yes, of course he should. Well now, that's very good, Gus, 'pon my word it is." •' That will astonish the Austwalians, won't it, Tham. Yarth, it rautht, you know. How pwoud the colony would be of it if a native had made it." " Well, but you've ««fc told me what you think of this railway, Gus." "Oh! thewailway— to tell >ou thetwuth, I thought I was on the Gweat Western, or in one of the Peninsualr and Ornomental saloon. Vewy good cawwiges, Tham, comfortable, but not equal to the English Of courthe, you can't expect that. Are we far from Ballaawat now ? " " No, we are coming to Geelong." "Oh ! Geelong. They call it the ' Pivot, don't they, Tham, because, like the earth, it wevoles on its own axis. [ was toM it was always Thaturday afternoon or Thunday in Geelong, becauthe they never do any business. Is that twue, Tham ] " " Oh, no ; Geelong is a very thriving place " "The celebwated clock tower is in the Market-square, isn't it? Is it at all like the dock tower on the Houthes of Parliament in London? I should fanthy not. j Do we go into the town, Tham ? " "No; the train branches off at the junction,and then wego straight up to Kallarat." I " Ballaawat is full of howwid diggers, ! |of courthe. Thuppose they thaw a nugget under my foot as f was walking along, , would a dithguthing digger in a wed shirt j knock me down and pick the nugget up ? I tell you what, Tham, if I twead on a nugget, and a digger attempts to stwike me, you must knock him down, whilst J pick up the nugget, and then I will give yon half, you know, for your twouble. By Jove, Tham, thit thill, be quiel Tham —now, don't speak, I've —l've made another widdle; yarth, I have —l twear I have, Tham." '< Out with it then, Gus." "All very well to say out wit)) it, but yon fellows who can't make widdles think there is no difficulty in making them —you think they come as naturally as thwinips gwow in the th«a, and wequire no more bvvains, intellect, than an oyther wcquircs a blanket and counterpane when he is in his bed. Now, lithen, Tham, if you thaw Moses —of course you never thaw and never can thee Moses, you know, but it is allowable in n case like this by what is called poetic licenthr —if you thaw Moses with something the matter with his neck, what would you thay he would be sufforwing worn I " You do ask the rummest riddles I ever heard." "Thewuinmust wicMles? —oh ! wubbish. Tham! There are many widdles wummer ] than mine, butno r tlio hard to gueth, perhaps. Well, but if you thaw Moses (I don't jmean the Moses that was father of Abraham and Webbeca. but ;iny Mnses) — if you thaw, I thay,any Moses with thomething the matter wit his neck, if you were at all con\erlhant with medicine or thurgery, would you not thay be mutht be suffering from a neck//- Moses. "An ecohymosis —good gracious ! Gus Wherever did yju pick up that word V " Why, I went over to the Hothpital yesterday with one of the surgeons, and as we were going,'wound the wards he thaid to me, 'That, my lord, is a case of severe laryn - laryn-herring — larherringitis,' a something ending with ' iti?,' at ail events. P'haps it was opthalmia, but that, I thuppose the would call ' mindyouritis,' or thomething equally abthnrd and widiculous. Then the next man, the doctor thaid, had Moses in his neck, or his neck in Moses, or something equally abthur." " Ecchymosis.'' *• Yarth, that's it, of courthe, Tham. I asked what it was cauthed by, and 1 think he thaid from incethant bleedinar at the nose for thwee weeks, a.id from the kewosene in the atmosphere. Then another pafe cweature had amauwosis in his ears, which means to thay he was deaf. I thuppose —amauwosis comes from amor the Latin for love, yewy vvum to have love in your ear?, Tham, isn't it? but I thuppose nothing is impossible in a hothpital. I hope I shall never have that complaint Tham I hid the meatheh once, and have hated thpots ever thince I never eat cuwwant cake, becauth I fancy it is a loaf of bewd thuflering from the meathles." At tliis period, the Honorable FrederickDundreary went to sleep, and did not awake until within a mile of BaKarat. "Tham, Tham, why don't you awake, I dare thay we have miihed theeing hundreds of nuggets lying along the wailway. Wake up Tham, what's the uthe of sleeping with your mouth open." " Better than sleeping with your eyes open, Gus." '* Yarth, Tham of courthe. That's one of the moth thenthible wemarks you ever made, because its twuthfulness is so twanspawent —no, no, appatvent 1 mean. Well, it is weally wonderful that you thavages could have made a wailwoad like this. Did you gueth at it, or did any of you thee an English wailway I" "Of course, the engineers and contractors have seen lots at home." «• Oh! then its not wonderful at all. Of courthe they have copied the Gweat Western line. Any fool can copy Tham. Fanthy me giving the Austwalians cwedit for doing anything out of their own heads! abthurd. Now, I would thay something if any of the black Austwalians had built a railway, becauthe they could never havo theen an English one. Thtop a bit —yes, they could. Why, the * Chwisty Minstwels' are black, and they have theen lots of English wailways. Of courthe —what wubbish ! I don't believe they could make a wnilway all the tham?, Tham, they are black, and though they have seen English lines." " Well, Gu?, jump up. Fine station, isn't it«" " Yarlh; onlyJihe Government or the wailway people never finish their thtations, cuwjoub to;tnay.* 'Au&txvaHan idea, I tbupjjpsektovtwaveL ojb lines '$.\ thi th tattoos

" Virgil's Lvdinnl?" " Yarth, Tham, you thupid ath. Have you never heard of Virgil's Lydiard and bdythey?" " Homer's Iliad, and — " tC Well, of courthe, I mean that, Tham, but you can't expect the Ballaarat people to know anything of clathics, of course not. I thee that the girls thtuff their back hair the thame way (hey do in London and Melbourne. * Howwidly u»ly fashion, Tham ; now-a-days, ladies' back hair is half hair thtuffiing ; why don't they leave the thtuffing to turkeys and ducks, and legs of veal. Thtuffing is very becoming to a turkey, and looks exceedingly jywaeeful in a duck. By-the-by, Tham, do they ever uthe the ab—ahowisfnals* hair for matwesse.s? It would make capital horthe-hair, I should think. Hi — hi — thtop there — hi — you boy, thtop. Is ■ that a nugget you have on that dish ? " " No, you fool ; a pat of butter." _ _ ] " Vewy wude boy, Tham ; as if it wasn't wewy natuwal to inithtake a path of butter for a nugget ; why, they are both yellow, Tham, of courthe they are. I am towwy to find that the Ballaawat Austwalians are tho vewy rudp, Tham. I've a erood mind not to thee their beathly diggtnth at all."