LETTERS FROM LITTLE BRITAIN.

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 68, 30 June 1863, Page 2

LETTERS FROM LITTLE BRITAIN.

(prom the man in the moon.) No. IV. Alas! for poor Dr. Faustus! His Utest road making scheme (viz. bundles of straw and spikes) being in full progress, and the bridge over the Makerel (a broad and deop river ■which crosses the main road to Lake Waitabit about seven miles from town) beitfg completed, His Super-illustriousneßs thought he might be spared for a few days and shaped his course to the sheep station, his abortive attempt to purchase which had brought on him all his cares, previously commanding the removal of the ferry-boat fran the Makerel as the bridge was finished. l Soon after his Super-illustriousness had startel,that officious person Mr. Theodore Beale, discovered that no" direction had been left for cuting down 'a perpendicular bank fifty feet high which at one end of the bridge opposed an° effectual barrier to all conveyance! but balloons. To commence this work in i|Jie Doctor's absence, were a capital crime. A message was forthwith despatched to Faustus, with an humble entreaty that le would deign to give the necessary orders. Cv receipt of this impertinent request, a teiribk glance shot from the transcendant orbs of tin noble chief: he thus replied :— " Fellow! am I to be for ever tormented by the polUprofanum vulgus, canaille, plebeians, snot* cads ! Know, villain, that it is against my. interest for the province to "go a-head" (as' youvulgarlyphrase it.) The country is required for my sheep. What do I caTe for the drowning of a few miserable plebeians ? Let them return my member for Wapping, and then I may grant their prayer " The messenger trembled under the awful gaze, and positively shrunk in size, his height, previously 6 feet 1| inches, being reduced to 4 feet 8J inches — such was the result of the mission. I am happy to state that only a dozen persons or so have at present been drowned in the Makerel, and as they include nosupporter of Government, it will be deemed rather a felicitous occurrence than otherwise. The last escort brought down nearly thirteen pennyweights : the brave fellows defended it against the imaginary bushrangers in such gallant style, tbat all the officers have been promoted, and new colors presented to the company. A superb entertainment has lately been given (under the patronage of his Super-iHus-, triousness the Chief) by our two most'brilliant genius.es, ill-naturedly termed by envious people the " twa buffoons," viz, Mr. William Brass — reduced, alas ! to the subordinate post of town crier! and bellman — and Mr. Donald Muff, poet- laureate^to the Exploder, to which journal he supplies those sweet and exquisite poems so long the admiration of every Little Briton. Mr. Brass (fairiliarly known as " Wallie") being famed for vocal ability and the manufacture of sweet sounds, saog the songs composed by the poet-laureate. The entertainment was a grand success, the con-cert-room was crowded to suffocation, eight persons were crushed to death while endeavoring to obtain admission, and thirty more severely injured. For hours the stillness of that beautifnl evening was charmingly broken by burst 3of thrilling melody from the lips of " Wallie.' ' The audience at flrst applauded loudly, but gradually the exquisite tenderness of the celebrated •• Evergreens" song overcame them, and many strong men were moved to tears, which ''honored not disgraced their manhood"— all would have been harmony but for an unfortunate , misunderstanding, which, I grieve to say, occurred between the singer and the poet. Mr. Donald Muff accused Wallie of mispronouncing, "flowery poll" as "floury"— thus terribly mutilating both sound and sense. " Wallie ',' resenting this rebuke, administered a severe blow upon die tip of the poetic nose ; streams of rosy hue followed theconcuseion, and to use thejpoet's cwn wordsT^-

"Alarming h«morrhageMt io: \JL -'\M <. Vile wretch t. it wm a wicked "Mn. i;j |fl To«trik°e my fur •yiaawtrio no**,— i , j H Oh; goodnpis gracioua 1 howitgrov j ,r|9 "R» twefting to gigmntic eae, ( ,;,,.( i§% Scarce can.l ace oat of my ayw, " II The thought will murder thy repoae, jyl I Tb»t thou b*st spoilt my pretty noic^^W|j| However, a splendid encounter entuedbfß* men displaying a degree of sciencethatwd;have delighted ' Tom King. Mr. UUdB/ Muff was considerably damaged, and hoit jff ' , sent a letter to the Enptoder denouncl<M. , foe. It was written in thirteen lannMu and occupied nine columns and a-half. <J?H I say it carried conviction to every II The Society for the Formation olCrab4V T have decided on leaving the mud in ttat Tm rightly judging that' to improve the •¥»•- --would* only increase the traffic bo thuft good result would be obtained. The Blolw costume is now universally adopted bxW ladies, and stilts are the fashionable npi for the sterner sex. ' Jl 1