Page 6 Advertisements Column 5

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 63, 16 June 1863, Page 6 (Supplement)

CLYDE-STREET, INVERCA BGILL And, GEORGE-STEEET, DUNEDIN. TAMES KEIR AND CO., Importers of, and J Wholesale and lletail Dealers in — BRITISH PLATE, CROWN, SHEET, ENAMEL, GROUND, OBsC V RE, STAINED AND ORNAMENTAL WINDOW GLASS. PAPERHANGINGS IN EVERY VARIETY. WHITE LEAD, OILS, AND COLORS. Every other necessary connected with THE TRADE. T. R. FORDHAM, LIGHTERMAN AND BOATMAN, Bluff Haeboe,. TR. F. being under Contract to carry H. M . Mails to and from the Melbourne and InterColonial Mail Steamers, and the Post-office, Bluff Harbour, in connection with Cobb arid Co.'s Invercargill Line of Coaches, will convey Passenger and Luggage to and from the sad Steairers, with comfort and safety, and at moderate charges. Passengers will embark and land (weather permitting) at the Boat Jetty, opposite the old Custom House. Ladies and Children will receive every attention. "INVEECARGILL TIMES" JOB PRINTING OFFICE (NEXT UNION BANK), KELVIN -STREET S INVERCARGILL. EVERY DESCUIPTIOtf OF LITHOGRAPHIC AND LETTER-PRESS PRINTIJNG Posters Circulars Bill Heads Show Cards Cheque Books KE L V I If - S T B E £ T, ONE DO7R FUOM.TA.Y-STREET. i A Profane Town in California. — In the northern part of California is a stream called Yuba river. Across it some enterprising in- | dividual built a bridge, and on the banks somebody else built three or four houses. The Inhabitants called ths place Youba Dam. Three bars were instantly erected, and the " town" increased rapidly. About noon, one cool day, a traveller and a sojourner m the land passed this flourishing locality, and seei ing along-legged specimen of humanity in a red shirt, smoking behind one of the bars, thus addressed him : — " Hello ! " Hello ! " replied the shirt, with vigor removing his pipe from his mouth. "What place is this ?" demanded the traveller, whose name was Thompson. The answer of the shirt was unexpected. " Youba Dam." There were about fifty yards between them, and the wind {was blowing. Mr. Thompson though' he had been mistaken. " What did you say:' he | asked. *'You-ba Dam," replied the stranger cheerfully. , 4 What place is this ?" roared Mr Thompson. " Youba Dam," said the shirt, in a slightly elevated tone of voice. " Lookee here," yelled the irate Thompson, " I asked you politely what this place was; why in thunder don't you answer?" The stranger became excited. He rose and replied with the voice of an 80-pounder, "Yuba dam ! Do you hear that ? In. a minute Thompson, burning with the wrath of the righteous, jumped off his horse, and advanced on the stranger with an expression not to b-> mistaken. The shirt arose and assumed a posture of violence and defence. Arrived within a yard of him, Thompson said, "I ask you for the last time, what place is this?" Putting his hands to his mouth, his opponent roared, "Yuba-dnm!" The next moment they were at it. Firsf, Thompson was down ; then his shirt; and then it was a dog- fall — that is, both were down. They rolled about, kicking up a tremendous dust. They squiim d aiound so energetically that_ you'd have thought they had a dozen legs instead of four. It looked like a prizo fight between two pugilistic centipedes. Finally, they both rolled off the bank and into the river. The water cooled them. They went down together, but came up seperate, and put out for the shore. Both reached it about the same time, and Thompson scrambled up the bank, mounted his warlike steed, and made tracks, leaving his foe gouging the mud out of one of his eyes. Having left the business portion of the town— that is to say, the corner where the three bars were kept — he struck a house in the suburbs, before which a little girl of about four years of age was playing. " What place is this, sissy ?" he asked. The little stranger cut, streaked it for the house. Having reached the door she stopped, turned, and squealed — " 00-bee-dam I" " Good heavens !" said Thompson, digging his heels between his horse's ribs—" Good heavens !" let me get out of this horrid place, where not only the men, but the very babes and sucklings swear at inoffensive travellers." — New York 'Tribune. The first inside passenger Mr. W. F. Windham had happened to be no less a personage than the Bishop of Norwich ; but when his lordship learnt who the coaebman was, he positively refused to make good the contract, and immediately " scratched himself for the run down. A good-natured fellow, who was nearly eaten out of house and home by the constant visils of his friends, was one day complaining bitierly of his numerous visitors. "Shure, and i'll tell you how to get rid of 'em," said an Irishman. " Pray, how !" " Lind money to the poor ones, and borrow money, of the rich ones, and nather sort will ever trouble you again." Simple Paddy. — An Irishman was lately arrested in St. Louis for stealing goods at a fire. On examination before a magistral c, he confessed the acr, but urged in palliation that he had only been a month in the country, and didn't know the rules. ' ■ >>