SCRAPS FROM PUNCH. YANKEE VALENTINE.

Southland Times, Volume 2, Issue 2, 15 May 1863, Page 1 (Supplement)

SCRAPS FROM PUNCH. YANKEE VALENTINE.

Friend Bright, I hope that thoul't not take

armss, Some lines poetic from an ex -Wood cutter, Thy bunkem might well suit a place like this,

Would I could cut my stick I often mutter. In our smart nation how thy star would shine !

Why not come then, and be our Valentine ?

The Spring Meeting. — Lord Pam. : " Have you anything you'd like to match against my deduction ?'' Lord Derby: "H'm— l'll hear what old Ben has to say about Division/ Latest from Bedlam. — Q. What is the difference between the effect of catching cold and one of the "Isles of Greece?" — A. In the one case it is you cough ; in the other it is Corfu.

Fishy Prospect in Parliament. — The question of the British Fisheries is likely during the present session to engage the attention of the Legislature. The Government may be expected to propose some measure for the protection of salmon, while Mr. Disraeli will principally devote his conservative endeavors to carp. Something Like a Jewel. — A diamond, far exceeding in dimensions and value the famous Koh-i-Noor, is said to have heen just discovered by a negro in America. This is true. It was found after Federal skedaddle. The fortunate negro carried it to President Jeff Davis, who said, " You are free Sambo, but I had that number of Punch ahoidv-" Punch's Cookeky Book. — The Lancet very properly informs the world in reference to that humble, but delightful article, a meat pie, that it will always he deleterious, owing to emanations from, the meat, " unless a hoe is made in it." Mr. Punch is happy to say that no such precaution is neglected at his bonrd, and when his young men have dined on meat-pie, the Lancet should see the awful hole made in it.

Appalling Self-Cannibalism. — On the after noon of Wednesday last, the usually tranquil village of Dormouth, Bedfordshire, was thrown into a state of fearful alarm, by the followin <* appalling circumstance, the sad details of which we have extracted from the sheets of the Beds' Post :— 11 Master Jones, aged eight ye rs and a half, while on a vacation visit to his maternal relation, was missing for several hours. In the course of the afternoon he was found, very much disfigured, in a confectioner's shop, where he had spent a considerable portion of the day over eating himself. No reason has yet been assigned for the rash act.'' Eye Ltft:.— Spktcaoles.— The Patent Newly-invented Tinted Spectacles are patronised by the majority of the nobility, including Viscount Palmerston. "They afford extraordinary relief to weak, dim, and defective vision — «As a member of the aristocracy here insulted, I beg to deny entirely the charge, that the majority are suffering from weak, dim, and defective vision, and are groping about in tinted spectacles. As to the paltry sarcasm against the noble Premier, I am happy to state on the best authority that his vision was never clearer than it is at the present moment, and what is more, that it shows no signs of growing defective. I have heard of old women in spectacles, but the British aristocracy have not yet come to this stage of decrepitude. No, Mr. Punch, not yet. If the instrument advertised is really first-rate, let a triumph be achieved by the despatch of some two dozen pairs to the Bishops. — Wormwood Scrubs."