TONAL THE DAIRIES ACT.”

Southern Cross, Volume 2, Issue 19, 4 August 1894, Page 5

TONAL THE DAIRIES ACT.”

; “ Tonal M‘Byre ” was, according to his mother’s version, “ Her Majesty ta Qneen’s man,” bnt the vulgar little boys of the village, whose lowborn instincts could not aspire to such sublimity, only called him “ the bobby.” Tonal was, or at least pretended to be, “ta piggest, ta prawest, ant ta smartest o’ Her Majesty’s men so that when his reports came in to his chief, they very often made that official open both his eyes and his mouth at the originality they displayed, but one of his greatest achievements in that line was just shortly before his forced resignation. The police had been ordered, under the new Dailies Act, to make an inspection of the various premises, etc., owned by cowkeepers, or purveyors of milk, and furnish a report to their chief on the condition of the same. They were provided with a set of forms of report, and were requited to answer the questions thereon after they had-made a minute inspection. ; There happened to be only one place requiring inspection in Tonal’s division, and he accordingly, after a great deal of puzzling, and profound consultation with his “ mither,” sent in the following report, viz. : ! Full Christian Name and Surname , j —“ She wass christened Jimmy Johnstone py ta meenister, but she’ll be christened py her neighbours old chalk ant watter, but mind you don’t told her she said so, for she’ll pe very angry whateffer,” Occupation. —“When she’ll nofpe on ta drunk, she’ll pe a temperance lecturer, wiss no occupation.”

Residence. —“ Her hoose is her residence, to pe very surely.” Number of Animals kept in Byre. —“ She’llnot kept any animals in her byre whateffer, besides three kyes, ant her tug, ant the herd pony, ant anozzer calf.”

Quantify of . Milk Sold Daily. “ She’ll only get one pailful from each kye, hut she’ll sold two.” To WJiom Milk Sold, or-. IToio Disposed of,— — 14 She’ll /sold two pints to John Thamson’s lassie wiss ta squint eye, ant one pint ant two quarts to Mrs Baird’s poy wiss ta red head ant ta plue Kilmarnock, which wass not paid for, ant tamost of it to ta publichoose where she’ll get her drunk, ant ta rest to her nainsel’- to make ta putter, ant ta remainder to her poys, ta pigs, ant ta calf.” Byke or Cow-shed. Govisir notion, —“ There wass no cen-, struction, shust a ; hoose puilt wiss woot and covered wiss ta .iron tin.” Lighting. —“There wass, no lighting what elf er, but when ta. womans goes to ta kyes to milk ta byre,at nicht she’ll tak ta lanterxi.” Ventilation. —“ Ta hole ,pelow ta door, ant ta proken roof in ta sky licht’ wass all ta ventilation, forbye ta key-, hole, whatefEer.”

Number of Square Feet to Fach Animal. —-“ All ta kyeshaff shust four feet, except ta poy, who has got one ant ta wooten leg, ant none of them was square whateifer.”