Humour

Southern Cross, Volume 1, Issue 37, 9 December 1893, Page 10

Humour

THE DAPPER LITTLE GENTLEMAN. A dapper little gentleman with well-pomaded hair, Was loved and woo’d by maidens twain, and both of them were fair ; A smiling blonde was one, correctly tall, with eyes of blue ; The other was petite and dark, just like a parleyvoo. They loved the little gentleman with love ey, tremely strong; They wrote him scented letters, and expressed their love in song ; They worked him carpet slippers, sent him presents by the score ; And dreamed of him, and daily grew to love him more ana more. The dapper little gentleman with well-pomaded hair Accepted their devotion with an unembarrassed air ; Although, to be exact, his state of mind was far from clear —- To save his life he couldn’t.tell which one ho held more dear. “ Blonde or brunette ?” he’d ask himself- “ Now which do 1 prefer ? My secret inclination I’ll attempt to disinter. Blonde or brunette ?—Brunette or blonde?— Upon my honour, I Am puzzled by the question ; still to answer it I’ll try. ‘‘ For if of the brunette I am particularly fond, It’s clearly wrong to smile on the attentions of the blonde, And if I love the blonde, it is a breach of etiquette To wear the carpet-slippers of the lovely young brunette.”

Alas ! the more he mused the more unsettled he became, His preference he found himself incompetent to name ; And so at length he spun a coin to settle which to wed— If head comes down, I’ll have the blonde.” The penny came down head. .Repentance overtook him in his altered state of life— For, ah ! the smiling blonde turned out a devil of a wife ! She ceased her kind attentions soon as ever they were wed, And showered Opprobrious adjectives on his pomaded head. She served him like a servant, she chid him like a child ; She lashed him with sarcastic tongue until she drove him wild; At dinner she her sovereignty with solemn awe impressed, And wouldn’t let him speak unless he chanced to be addressed. She robbed him of bis latch-key and ranchbeloved pipe ; She wouldn’t let him bunt, or fish, or bag a brace of snipe ; She paled him with horror at the thought of alcoholic drink, And read him curtain lectures till lie couldn’t sleep a wink. With eyes severe she told him, every evening of her life, How very fortunate he was in having such a wife! Until his sad repentance found expression in a wail: “ Oh! if that cursed penny had only come down tail!” The Idler.