Humour

Southern Cross, Volume 1, Issue 12, 17 June 1893, Page 3

Humour

MR. JOKES HAS A PRESENT. There is sickness in the Jones family—or, rather, there has been since his birthday —and this time it is Mr Jones who seems to be wasting away by an insidious malady that baffles the doctor’s skill. Mrs Jones goes about in list slippers, looking worried, and even the cat had a dejected, listless air, in keeping with the solemnity of the occasion. Some fellows from the lodge went up to see Mr Jones, and found him the picture of despair. “ What is it, old boy—too much turkey P” asked his friend Simpson. “ Raw,” groaned Jones, in a distrusted voice, “ not much.” “ Consumption ?” asked another of the boys trying to look solemn. “Kaw. Not a consumpt.” “ Oh, it’s your liver. Brace up,. Jonesy,” caroled another; “I say have you got a fever ?” “Worse,” groaned Jeptha. “’Tisn’t hydrophobia ?” queried Simpson. “Boys,” piped Jones, “it’s a calamity, and it hangs in that closet.” They all looked at each other and said in chorus : “He’s off his head.” “If I get up, I must put it on. I’ll lie here until I die first. Death would be sweet compared to appearing before j&y friends in that zebra-striped thing.” “ What is it, Jones P” asked his friends soothingly, trying - to humour him. “It’s a dressing-gown-—that’s what —striped with vertical bars down to the heels —bags on the shoulders—■ x - ed cord and tassel —heavens, is thy servant a monkey that he should wear this thing ?” “ Don’t. Tou’ll have a relapse,” said Simpson, affectionately. “ I’d ruther. Don’t let me get well, for then I must wear it. Boys ” —in a hollow voice—“ won’t you steal it, lose it, burn it, anything to get it out of my sight for ever ?” There was a hurried consultation, and an hour later, when Mrs Jones returned from a visit to Mrs Simpson, she found the front door ojxen, and a cold draught pouring in on Jeptha, who was gagged and insensible on his bed. But strangely enough, when Mr Jones revived ho was as well as ever. The excitement did it, Mrs Jones says. But he does not cease to lament the loss of his beautiful new dressing gown, which Mrs Jones made herself for his birthday present, and which was the only thing which the burglars took.