THE LAIRD’S FOOL

Southern Cross, Volume 1, Issue 3, 15 April 1893, Page 15

THE LAIRD’S FOOL

(By E.E.S.) In the latter part of the last century the Laird of Udny had a retainer, Jimmie Fleming, of whom it might be said there was method in his madness, for though his intellect was weak in one sense, still he was cute beyond the ordinary. Many of Jimmie’s queer doings are still told in the village of -Newborough, near which are the ruins of Knockhall, one of those square, keeplike castles for which Scotland is noted. Like many another afflicted creature, Jimmie never forgot a kindness, and equally well did he remember an injury. At one time ho had a dog which followed him wherever he went, slept with him, even shared his porridge, Jimmie drawing a line across the plate, which the dog never crossed; but his canine friend went amissing, and Jimmie, declaring he could not eat his porridge alone, the C ook lent him her cat, of which she thought every bit as much as he did of his dog. The cat," not being educated, went over the score, whereupon Jimmie administered correction with the spoon; cook resented this treatment of her pet, and ever after.there existed a feud between Jimmie and the cook, which at one' time nearly cost her her life. When the castle of Knockhall was devastated by fire in the absence of the Laird, Jimmie aroused everybody but the cook. He then directed his attention to the Laird's charter chest, which was in an upper room. With great difficulty he succeeded in throwing the valuable chest out of one of the narrow lance windows, and then escaped himself. About this time a hue-and-cry arose about the cook, and at the last moment she' was dragged out of the burning’ building more dead than alive. Jimmie, when asked why he did not waken the cook, replied, t - Wed, she was aye gixnin’ aboot the canid, sae I thocht she micht as weel hae a guid warmin’, for ance. Another instance of his ill-nature might be given. A g’entleman to whom he owed a grudge asked to be shown the best ford .at ”VFaterside. Jimmie showing the very worst spot, the horse lost its footing and the rider was almost drowned. When taxed with misleading the gentleman Jimmie answered rather sullenly, “I’ve seen Mains o’ ‘Waterton’s duiks swimmin’ tlffire, an’ I’m sure a horse has langer legs than a duik.”

At one time Jimmie was utilised for herding cattle, ' and one of the cows proving obstinate, he struck her with his staff in such a manner that the animal’s leg' was broken. Horrified at the result of his blow, Jimmie began to make up stories to tell the Laird, >vho he knew valued the cow. I’ll just tell the Laird,” so he soliloquised, “ she was loupin’ the ditch and fell in and brake her leg. Na, na, that winna tell. Weel, I’ll say she was fechtin’ wi’ the ither cow's and got hurt, Ha, na, that’ll no do. I’ll just toll the Laird that she' wouldna gang whaur I wanted, an’ sac I gied her a crack an’ brake her .leg.” “ That’s right, Jimmie, truth always tells best,” said the Laird’s voice from behind the hedge, where he had been an unsuspected listener to Jimmie’s self-communion. One dark night one of the grooms thought it would be a piece of fine fun to frighten the half-w'itted crear turn, so w'hen Jimmie came up the avenue, riding as usual on a stick, he saw what he took to be his Satanic Majesty coming towards him. Paralysed with fear for the first moment or two, he soon regained his courage, and began “ Ah, Deevil, dinna touch me,” in his most insinuating tones. Still the horrid creature advanced, with its fiery eyes and hideous shape. “ Ah, Deevil, guid Deevil, dinna touch me.”. Still nearer it came, and at last in desperation he flew at it crying, “ Guid deevil or bad deevil, I’ll gie it tae ye,” and not even the bullock’s hide saved the man from a well-merited thrashing with Jimmie’s staff, for he chased him, impeded as he was with his disguise, till he -was a very limp deevil indeed, and likely to leave the Laird’s fool alone for a long time to come. Very quick at repartee was Jimmie —never at a loss for,an answer. At a dinner party given at Knockhall he was pressed into the service to carry the dishes from the kitchen to the dining-room, and during the transit of a goose he managed to rend off a leg l and devour it. The Laird missed the leg, and expecting some fun at Jimmie’s expense, called him. “ Jimmie, I never saw a goose with one leg before.” “ Did ye no ?” was the answer. “Well, if ye gang oot'tae the bam yard, ye’ll see lots standingon ae leg,” and he slunk away amidst the laughter of the company^ Jimmie served his master with a fidelity rare in these days even in men and women endowed w’ith their full share of intelligence. ' If the Laird was away from home and important despatches arrived for him, it was .often Jimmie Fleming that was entrusted to take them to him, which he did, riding on a stick, for many miles across the country. At one time, when sent to the city with papers it was important the Laird should have at once, he had no idea where he would find him, but in wandering about' one of the Laird’s dogs came bounding up to him, expecting- to be caressed. Instead of returning its attentions Jimmie threw stones at it, when the dog, astonished at such treatment, fan off. Jimmie followed, and soon found the Laird, to whom he delivered his message. There w r as no love lost between Jimmie and the minister of the parish, so, stopping him one day, Jimmie said, “ Eh, sir,' do you ken fat that is ?” “ Why,” said the minister, “ any- fool could tell that. It’s a horse’s shoe, man.” “ Eh,” said Jimmie, “fat a blessin’ it maun he tae hae learnin.’ Noo, I didna’ ken whether ’twas a horse’s or a mare’s.”