THE DECK CHAIR.

Shannon News, 11 October 1927, Page 1

THE DECK CHAIR.

HOW TO OVERCOME IT. VALUE OF FEARLESSNESS. (By Robert Magill). You must not imagine that when m man comes back from his holidays with liis arm in a sling and a bandage round his head lie has been hunting lions, or shooting cockles, or any other dangerous sport like that. lie niiiv have been opening tins of fruit on the beach, or trying to make a neiinv-in-thc -slot machine work without the penny, but most likely he has l)eon having an argument with a deck chair. One of the dangers of a holiday is that vou are liable to get fat. But if you buy a deck chair you will get 'nlentv of exercise, believe me. Now a deck chair is a very complicated piece of machinery that look's something lilfe a clothes horse with a green shirt nailed on to it. It consists of an oblong framework of wood to winch two other frameworks are hinged, and the canvas is tacked on in such a way that if you so much as lofk at the thing it will pinch your fingers. When it is ready for use it seems to have two forelegs and two backlegs, and it sort of sits on itself till you sit on it, when it folds up and lets you down flop. , "" A. wise man who has to deal with this dangerous affair first of all borrows a policeman to keep the crowd back, and gets as many people as possible to help. COMMENCE; ■(Then, seeing that the ambulance tent is ready for business, he puts on a pair of wicket-keeping gloves and a crash helmet like the aviators wear when they fall out of an aeroplane, takes a vice and a crowbar, offers up a short prayer for those in peril by the seaside, and starts. You shoull commence by laying the thing gently on the beach to look at it, holding it at arms' length so that it can't snap at you. Put your foot on it to hold it down. Then grab one end of it suddenly and stand it up, yelling for somebody to come and hold it. Take hold of the loose piece of wood and move it. If it pinches your fingers, drop it. It will then pinch the fingers of your assistant. Try the other loose piece of wood. It probably will not move, because the first piece is holding it down. You can now send your helper to the waiting nurses, to be given first aid, and get another, with stronger fingers. Draw a deep breath, and lift up both pieces at once. You will not only pinch your fingers with the bottom bit, but the top bit will hit' you over the head. Stand still, and call for another assistant to come and hold the top piece, while you drop the bottom piece on the floor. , Now lower the top piece on to the bottom piece and jump clear, because as the chair falls down fiat, which it will do, it will pinch everybody's fingers. You will probably begin to lose your temper at this stage and stand it up, get a cross buttock on it, fall on it, then get your arm under and over in a sort of half-nelson, but it will simply wait until you are out of breath, then it will fix you in a straugle-hold until vou choke. TRY AGAIN! It is best to be calm. Lay the thing out on the floor again and attack it from the rear. Keep experimenting by moving one part, and then another, this way, and then that, until you find it looks something like one of the chairs that are being sat on. When you have succeeded in doing this, the* next problem is to fit the cross-bar into the grooves. G_et somebody to hold one side of it while you hammer the other side in.

Then you can go round and fix in the first side, which has come unput. Naturallv, after a little of this the thing will 'shut up suddenly, but by now you ought to be able to recognise the top from the bottom of it, failing which you must label the parts A, B, C, and so on. '

Some deck chairs have a sort of little canopy made of two extra pieces hinged at the top with a strip of canvas between them. Women prefer chairs like these, because they keep the sun off, although as they go to the seaside to get sunburnt, I don't, know why. But there are two screws, one at each side, to hold the canopy up. If you don't screw these tightly, the canopy will slip down, and probably smother the woman who is sitting in the chair. But for all that, you ought to screw them as tightly as you can. Never mind what wicked ideas come into your head. You really ought to screw them properly. Folding up the deck chair is more or less easy. Lift up the bar is resting in the grooves, and lift up the back legs. Then run for your life.