WHO DROVE ADAM TO APPLES?

Shannon News, 3 May 1927, Page 4

WHO DROVE ADAM TO APPLES?

why woaflEiN; can drive. Who drove Adam to apples, and man'to hard, hard'Work? ' Who i drove Samson, mighty Samson, to a_ hair-bob, when the prevailing style, j was flowing tresses ? ■ • s Who drives the butcher, the baker, and the gas-wagon maker?

Man? Weak, miserable.man?.Not according to my Atwater-Kent. No sir-ee! .... ; ,

When I shot these questions at a bachelor, friend of mine he sourly replied: "The female of the species is most deadly, on the road. Women can't drive an automobile. She is a menace in traffic. How could she drive safely? _ She hasn't the talent for it (says, an overseas,writer). ..

"Talent?" I .came back, allegretto. "Listen. Froin,, the day apples first ripened down to our present age of hot dawgs and raspberries,-, woman has driven, everything, before her so cleverly, so charmingly, that she is genius incarnate.

"Woman has, always driven the children, a task 10,000 times more difficult than managing the ; skiddiest flivver. . , ,», "';■

, "She has driven kings off their throne with a winspme smile whom mighty armies could,not have dislodged. ~'.. |i:;v , :i ...,,..'..■, . >.,,; ..• , "She has driven lovers through, fire and flood, over insurmountable , barriers, that they might lie their. heads off telling that she was the only one tliey ever loved.

"In fact woman has driven,everything worth while; fashions, firesides, customs,, religion, gossip, the destinies of men.

s "But man, what has he driven? Previous to Ford's discovery of the flivver about the only thing,. a man eve r drove were a few flock of sheep, a;couple kegs of nails, and a score or so of golf balls. To be, hon,est, man is, a novice, at driying. . , •,• , ,"If vast experience, .marvellous achievements, genius for directing signify talent then, woman has it to the ninth degree." ' . And then I presented these, ;fapts to my friend: Woman not only has th e talent to drive automobiles, but also has a consuming desire to convince the men folks .that she can handle a car a,s skilfully as they can.

To attain this golden goal woman knows that she mus t drive sanely and safely. She must avoid circus stunts which might cause- wrecks.and heap condemnation upon her head.

Who ever saw a woman take her hand off the wheel with, the car speeding 40 to roll and light a cigarette ?

Did you ever see a lady drive with one hand on t'he wheel and with the other pet her Romeo?

Have you ever..seen milady, drive with the throttle wide open while trying to study "calves" and "poultry" along the way?

As one sweet sister put;' .it: : "I must drive safely, . So much is demanded of me. I dare- not have the slightest accident.

"Let Big. Bro. upset a trolly or wreck a whole regiment of soldiers, and everyone passes it .Dff lightly with "accidental. . Purely accidental." "But let me just scratch a : fender or break a Spring, or bYjmp the garage doqr, and th e whole family jump me with 'serves you, right. Had no business to take the car out. , Cars were not made for girls to drive.' :

"Big Bro. may opDn.the throttle until ..the speedometer cries Ouch! and all you hear is, 'How cute! Isn't he a clever driver?

"But let, me drive at 30 and I hear something that rounds, like, 'Hey Sis, where is the fire?'. 'Don't.hurry on my ( account.' "Woa r Spark Plug!' 'Pay the insurance to mother.' ' "It makes me sick, the way folks treat me when I drfive. I know I can'manage a car better than they can."

Woman has not only the talent, and, the desire to excel a man in handling an automobile, but she has also the ability. I The most Mtter Mr, Bowser must admit that woman sees more than a man. In the rear se.at Ma's power of observation is .uncanny!. . Were it not for the alert Ma continually warning day-dreaming Dad s af all approaching dangers, so far as in her powers lie, th e highways would be clustered with tragic wrecks,. It's,, "Look out for that cliild!" ; is your oil wprlcing?" ' "Do you see that car coming 7 out of the lane?" (Pa never saw it, but bluffs first.) : , ' , ,',.;„ It's "Pa dicl you see that sign? And you driving at forty." "Which sign?" he snaps bacl's, irritated. How could he see it? He was dreaming of the bob-flush he fcet his stack on the night before. "Well," broke in my friend, unconvinced, "women may have "the talent and the desire and the,ability, as yoi; contend, but,, nevertheless, I prefer to carry heavy insurance auul do my own driving." And then I concluded with, ?Havt> it your way, hut when I am elected to the Legislature I shall ; introduce a Bill compelling every mo* ring car to I carry a lady pilot. Tha tia how I J value woman's driving ab JUty.l? . , . ,~ > -. . ,rh