HOW TO USE A TELE PHONE

Shannon News, 26 April 1927, Page 4

HOW TO USE A TELE PHONE

Latest Technical Improveits*?*:..: *k,l i' !>.**• • : . ;■ . SAY' IT-WITH SILENCE i . or , . r;; . \ • 1 t (By Stephen Leacock). There is but little doubt that thctelephoiie is one of the greatest blessings of our modern times. ■ No home Incomplete without - it. - I am not e saying this because I have a personal friend, who is general manager of a telephone company and who might - reduce-'my rate at any 1 moment if .he cared * to/' - -I- - say ■it because I think J ‘ it.";.. * ‘ 'One can hardly realise what a dif- ’ ference dt would- have made in tne earlier 'ages' if there had been telephones.* ' Fois example, Columbus, instead ’of spending eighteen years in circling round Europe (hence the socalled Columbus-Circle in New York) - to-flhd^a'Royal-patron for his voyage, wOiild have ju'st'called: “Hullo, Queen Coldmbus speakthething would be done. HJut-twhat I want to talk about here is -th# iuse 'or- the telephone in our ordibary- life* to-day. r- -The.telephone is an altogether mods v soots? things'appertaining'to Its- use I? - that belong to all ages. 'Fof ■'example, ' there is nothing which 'brings out more clearly the difference between a man and a . t womftn-thkntheway' in which every m&,n "*arid ' every woman talks at the : ' telephone. : The' woman finds it impossible to. stop.- - The man goes to ariswfer- the* telephone and you hear him‘say: George, I'll be there.” And the conversation is over. - But a woman goes to the ’phone and she says: - * "Why Min, I’ll Just be delighted- to 'come I .'; No, indeed, I wasri't too' busy to come to the ’phone and:,l-U surely be delighted to come -'* over -this afternoon.... I haven’t had a game of bridge for two weeks. Well goodbye, I’ll 'see you at four, o’clock, >7 and who •do you think I say* on, the car "yesterday?” .. ;. • !; .. •... -Then there follows five min- ! l utes of-sustained talk, followed by t w vn >« 1 , ~ . -4" - ■ “Well, goodbye, Min. I must skip • t \ ‘to the- kitchen, and what did ' V ' ;/ yo»;ihlnk of-the.wedding yesterday?” Five' oninutes - more talk, ending in exclamations, struggles, protests, i ; goodbyes, hurrahs, regrets, and at last each .woman leaves the telephone and says." ** My goodness!. I thought that / ■ - ■; 1 V: ' * woman would ’ never stop talking.” -,V' -1 imagine thht most people are famllay with the- experience of haying a “wrong number” that is a sort of "double”Twith the telephone in one’s own' house, and which is perpetually tbrnthg up. ‘ EVery time this niira* - ber is called they answer spitefully “wrong nunjber- and leflye the tele- ' phone in a ,fit of indignation. ' , * To inch people I'would like to offer a little bit of advice. It is slmpller and easier -riot to break away like this; it is too wearing. Just leave the mistake uncorrected and oe ihe wrong number. ' 1 had for my telephone for some time a number which was almost identical 7 with the number of a certain Furniture - Company. When somebody.,called on the line and said: "Hullo,- the- Furniture Company ? That ~ . dining suite has not , arrived ye*. ’ . What’s -holding it?” I answerea: "It’s all right,*- it will be up at your house in half an hour.” And probably It was. Similarly: “Hullo, the Furniture Cobipany? What about making a lather better price on those chairs?” Answer:- “.Certainly we’ll take off 40 per cent.” )*, F had thus a lasting source of en- ..... tertainment until the furniture company went into liquidation. It has always seemed to me a great mistake that the - telephone companies have'cut out the practice pf hand- , lng out information over * the telephone and particularly of telling their subscribers' what - time it is. ’ People are beginning to forget- how easy ana comfortable it was to call: "Hullo Central,- five minutes ago you said it was four o’clock; what'fctime ‘is it now?”* •< There Is no doubt that, with, a constant user *Of the telephone, much - much'time is often -lost'fS -lOofißg up numbers. -It - always seems to me that it is'‘well-worth whiel to try to memorise as- -many numbers as possible. Various ways have been suggested for doing this.! -I remember one admirable system that was explained to ■[ me' by a friend'of' mine, a professor of ’ history. - All that one had to. do, he. told- me,»ls to connect the telephone number- y with • the date of some hlstorical event. This makes an easy - mentar connection that is not readily ■ ! forgotten. - - , For vexample you have a friend .whose number, let us say, is - 4281; \. you itVith*' the death who built th»

flinst pyramid. 'You have another whose number is 820; simplicity itself, the victory of Earwig, the Saxon, at Streoneshrilch. * Personally I don’t use this method. But if I ever have a friend whose number is 1066 or 1492, I’ll talk with him all day. The telephone brings many pleasures and the chief of them is the rare luxury,of shutting the darned thing off and not listening to it. ; Those who have' never had a telephone cannot appreciate the quiet enjoyment of silencing it and knowing that one cannot be called. It Is comparable only to the stillness of the deep woods. But in shutting off the telephone it may be remarked, one of the hardest mechanical feats to perform is to stop an up-to-date telephone ringing when it wants to. Of course, ae everybody knows it is possible to slop it from ringing by leaving the' receiver off the hook. But then, as everybody knowß, this means that the “girl at Central” ca£ overhear, all that happens In your house. This won’t do. I know of no home so irreproachable, no family so correct, that they are willing to let the "girt at Central” hear all that they say. There is however one remedy for overtalking at the telephone that is within the reach of every man—though no doubt women could scarcely use it. And that is the golden remedy of silence. Don’t say a thing except when the other person talking addresses a definite question. i Most people are unaware that in listening at a telephone they keep up a-: series of little monosyllable grunts “Oh’s” and “Ah’s”’ and “Well, well,” that serve to maintain the mental connection. Cut these out. Just answer with a plain “Yes’ ’or “No," without further word of explanation, and see how it kills the evil at the root. Thus: “Oh, is that you?” (Don’t answer). !“I was trying to get you a little while ago.” (Let it go at that). ! “I wanted to see if you would be free to come over and take dinner with us to-night?” “No.” “Oh, I’m so sorry! Perhaps you could come In after dinner and take a hand in a game of cards?” i“No.” "Oh,, that’s too had. Could you come, next Sunday and have evening supper with us?" - “No.” ' •That kind of treatment, administered firmly and quietly will soon terich anybody not to hand out social invitations by telephone. ' But stop! My telephone is ringing.- I must go