SNAPPY STORIES.

Shannon News, 11 February 1927, Page 3

SNAPPY STORIES.

“I like your uncle,” exclaimed Joan to her friend. “He is such a sporty old man. ’ ’

“Yes, but he’s a little too sporty at times,” remarked her friend, “The other Sunday he fell asleep in church and when 1 nudged him he woke up, stared at the hymn-board, and cried out so loudly that everybody must have heard him: “Good gracious! Only three starters in this race!”

Mamma: “Well, my dear, and how did you do at your music lesson today ? ” Little Girl: “Oh, very good, mamma, but what a religious man my teacher is. ” Mamma: “How could you tell he was religious?” Little Girl: “Well, when he was giving me my lesson, he clasped his hands together, looked up to the ceiling, and said, “Oh, Lord!”

A small boy, describing Noah's life in the Ark, wrote: “Then one morning Noah went out fishing, but only for five minutes.”

The mistress asked why he had put the time limitation.

“'Cos there was only two worms,” w r as the reply.

Lost child (to policeman): “Please, sir, have you seen a man without a little boy, ’cos if you have, I's that little boy.”

A professional player was teaching some cowboys how to play football. He explained the rules, and ended as follows:

“Remember, fellows, if you can’t kick the ball, kick a man on the other side. Now let’s get busy. Where’s the ball?” One of the cowboys shouted: “Never mind the ball. Let’s start the game.”

“Leek ’ere. Bill, when you use me rifle <to smash up firewood don’t leave it lying in the mud all night. You know what a careful cha p I am with a rifle.

A negro parson held forth as follows: “Brudders and sistahs, I want to warn yo' against de heinous crime of stealin ’ chickens, and fudderin’ I wants to warn yo’ against de heinous crime ob‘ stealin’ watermelons.” At this point an old negro rose up, snapped his fingers, and sat down again. “What fo’ brudder, does yo’ Tise up and snap yo’ fingers w’cn I speaks ob watermelon stealin ’? ” “Yo’ jes’ reminds me, parson, where I lef’ ma knife,” was the reply.

Johnny had requested that his birthday present should be a drum, and as his birthday drew near he began to stipulate very particularly that it should be a Salvation Army drum. He was so earnest on this point that his mother asked him his reasons. “It must be a Salvation Army drum, ’cos I want to play it on Sundays.”

Little Bobby came crying into the house, rubbing the places where he had been butted by a pet sheep. . “But what did you do,” his mother demanded, “when the sheep knocked you down?” .. „ ~ , “I didn’t do nothing,” Bobby declared protestingly. I ‘l was gettin ’ up all the time.”

“Now, Timothy,” said the headmistress of the infants’ academy, “which is correct: ‘A hen is sitting’ or ‘A hen is setting.’ ” “Well, miss,” came the prompt reply, “I asked father once, and he said he didn’t trouble much about the sitting or setting. What he wanted to know was whether the hen was laying or lying when she cackled.”