THE STORYTELLER.

Shannon News, 7 April 1926, Page 3

THE STORYTELLER.

“I never go to church,” the millionaire said. “I guess you’ve noticed that, bishop?” .“Yes, I.havc noticed it,” said the bishop gravely. “I guess, you wonder why I go to church, .don’t you?” the millionaire pursued. “Well, I’ll tell you why, bishop. There are so many hypocrites there.” “Oh, don’t lot that keep you away,” said the bishop, smiling. ‘ ‘ There is always room for one more. ’ ’ A Sunday-school teacher was taking up a collection after h'er class. She had each little boy to walk by a table, recite something appropriate, and drop his penny in a plate. Johnny—“ The Lord lovetli a cheerful giver, ’ ’ and in went his penny. Tommy—“He that givoth to the poor lendctli to the Lord,” and in went his penny. Jimmy—(Aproaching the table and hesitating.) His teacher said, “Go on. Jimmy; don’t be bashful.” He hung his head and said, “A fool and his money are soon parted,” and dropped in his penny.

It was lunch-hour at the limeworks, and Pat's two mates, deciding to play a little joke on him during his absence, drew the features of a donkey upon the back of his coat, which he had left behind. In due time Pat returned, and presently hove in. sight bearing the lime-decorated eoat. “What's the trouble, Pat?'' asked one, trying to appear indifferent. “Nothing much,'' replied Pat, equally indifferent; “only Oi'd loike to know which one of ye wiped your face on me cpat.'' “How did you come out this year on the farm, Uncle Josh?’’ ‘ ‘ Gosh, I made a pile. I happened to have the good luck to get three cows, four hogs, and an old mule run over by railroad trains, and about a dozen chickens killed by them automobilious wagons. I cleared nigh about a thousand on 'em.’’ Parson Johnson: “De choir will now sing ‘l'm Glad Salvation’s Free’ while Deacon Keteham passes de hat. De congregation will please 'member, while salvation am free, we hab to pay de choir foh singin’ about it. All please contribute accordin’ to yo' means an’ not yo’ meanness. ’’ An Indiana butcher got the following note from one of his customers: — “Dear Sir,—Please do not send me any more I have butchered myself." A corpulent Hoosier sent .a dollar in answer to an advertiser who promised for this sum to tell, him how to get rid of his fat. He advised him to sell it to a soap factory. “I have had my ups and downs in life." “Why, I didn't know you ever had any trouble.'' “Yes, I go up and down about six times a day in an elevator."

The farmer and his hired help had stopped for a few moments to rest their backs after weeding. “Which weeds are the easiest to kill?" asked the young man. The farmer glanced at him shrewdly. “Widow's," he said; “you've only to say ‘Wilt thou?’ and they wilt." “Norah, why haven't you brushed down that cobweb?" “Cobweb? Lor', mum, I thought that had somethin' to do with yer wireless."