IN AND OUT OF COURT.

Shannon News, 18 December 1925, Page 1

IN AND OUT OF COURT.

BARRISTER'S STORIES. In his book "In Court and Out of Court" (says "Tit-Bits"), Mr BowenRowlands records the neat retort of a barrister who was asked by a journalist to explain the phenomenal success enjoyed by a certain legal acquaintance. "All I can say about him," said the J barrister, "is that his words always carry conviction when he appears for the defence." When the salary of the Rt. Hon. John Burns, then president of thei Local Government Board was raised to £SOOO a year, a friend remarked to him: "How can you take it; I remember you saying that no man should have more than £SOO a year." "That's true," said Mr Burns, "but, you see I said nothing about a superman." The Clean Slate, A certain judge used to tell a story of a man who married a young woman under the impression that she was a spinster, only to find out after the marriage that she had six children He decided to seek legal redress, but was unsuccessful. The judge in summing up, said, "I rather applaud the conduct of a certain general, who was told, before marriage, by the widow to whom he had proposed that .she was the mother of a family of five. "That makes no ' difference," said he. "My dear Artemesia, let ,us agree to blot out the past—as far as we can; mine isn't anything to write home about; I want i you as you are now and not as you I were before I became fond of you. , I'll take over the Jones kids. Leave it all to me.' "And the general, whom we will call j Brown carried pro'mise. After the honeymoon he went up to the nursery, kissed the children and made a little speech of 'hum's' and 'haV. Then he told the nurses to bring, the children down to the bathroom. This was done, and with the assistance of his wife he put each child in the bath. He then drew his sword and waving it over the laughing children, cried, aloud: 'Arise, little Browns.' " . An 'Uinmiiig; 'Umbug! A one-time Master of the Rolls, Sir George Jessel was renowned not only for his learning but because he dropped his "h's." In the latter connection the author tells the following:— "Jessel had a great dislike for Lord Chancellor Selborne, who. was a pious man and had written a book of hymns. On seeing him one day he turned.to a friend and said: 'Ere 'e comes, 'the oily 'umbug, 'umming 'is 'oly 'ymns. Oh, 'ow I 'ate 'im." It is said that when he "was toldthat a whale had been stranded near Oban, in Scotland he snapped: "Impossible, a whale in 'Olborn! It must be a 'oax!"

In his early clays in London the author was a dramatic critic, his remuneration being "ten shillings a theatre." Each ticket was accompanied by written and verbal instruction from the advertisement manager as to the kind of "notice" that was necessary. ,"I once, atended a first night at the Maryiebone Theatre, and as I was the only critic present, 1 was asked into the manager's private box. "When I went in. there were four persons, assembled, and ! I was greeted l,y a very tat avcutuui, who said: 'Good evening, dearie ;arc you the young man as was coming from the„'Pis-* patch'?' I said 'Yes,' whereupon she produced a' black bottle and handed it to me, saying: 'Don't be afeared, dearie; it ain't pison ,am it, Mr. Moss?' 'Not by any means.' said the bejewelled student of the drama. 'lt'll do'n good, an' it's a toussand pities as he weren't in time for them trotters.' ''When the play was over," the author adds, "Mr Moss gave me two cigars with red bands on them, and the woman said: 'An' now, . dearie, wot yer goin' to put in about 'Enery?' I said 'Something very nice.' And I did!" Unpaittonable. Of his boyhood the author has this amusing recollection, prefaced by the reminder that, what was called sin in those times had a somewhat different meaning from what it. has nowadays. "One of the erstwhile faithful created unpleasantness -by 'joining the Church,' and he .•justified himself in a speech to an open-air meeting. 'O ye umgodly, ye backsliders, ye departers from righteousness —you'll all be swallercd up by the Bottomless Pit. But I wonna be hard upon you, for o'nee I was like that myself. Yes. I was, no fear. Afore I was converted, I was a drinker, a blasphemer, a backslider, and a newspaper reader."