"MORTICIANS."

Shannon News, 17 February 1925, Page 1

"MORTICIANS."

[ AMERICA'S UNDERTAKERS "COMPLETE ELEGANT FUNERAL FOR 25 DOLLARS. For composing the features, one dollar; for giving the features a look ex quiet resignation, two dollars; for giving the features the appearance of Christian hope and contentment, five dollars." So ran an advertisement by a Boston undertaker. "The worst of it is," a well-known American minis. ter added, "they can do it." In America dissolution is not regarded with the gravity characteristic of other countries. It is, in fact, a stock subject for humorists, as reference to the writing of such men as Mark Twain, Bill Nye, and Artemua Ward will show. Yankee hustle and inventive ability are applied to under, takings as to any other business. Signs such as "Complete elegant funerals for twenty-five dollars' appear on the windows of undertakers, and the comment is frequently made by readers that it is cheaper to die than to live. Working Up Emotion.

American funerals are often made a sort of social event. As likely as not a quartet will appear at the services, and, putting their heads together before the flower-decked coffin will sing emotional hymns and moving lyrics of farewell. A great many Italians are domiciled in the States, and when they bury their dead a brass' band is almost invariably in attendance. The band parades ahead of the hearse, playing the "Dead March" and similar airs. The melancholy music has the effect of working the mourners to a terrific pitch of pmotion. An immigrant woma'a often spends (the entire amount of her deceased husband's insurance money on the funeral, and then has to go back to scrubbing floors. Ben Hecht writes of such a woman in his " A Thousand and one afternoons in Chicago." He calls her Mrs Sdkora. She takes the insurance policy to the husband of a woman whose washing she has done, sells it for 400 dollars, and goes to see an undertaker. "Her eyes were still red with crying. They stared at the luxurious fittings of the undertaker's parlours. There were magnificent palms in magnificent jardinieres, and plush chairs and large, inviting sofas and imposing mahogany desk and a cuspidor of brass." Undertakers Ornate "Parlours."

The undertaker was given . cart'. blanehe. "Innumerable relatives of Mr and Mrs Sikora arrived in automobiles, their faces staring with, surprise out of the limousine windows, as if they were seeing the world froin a new angle. There was a brass band —ls pieces. And there was one open automobile filled with flowers, filled to overflowing. The band played great, sad songs. The cornets and trombones sent a muted shiver down the street. The band stopped playing, and the people sighed. Ah,, it was a nice funeral!" Later the juvenile court took away Mrs Sikora's children because she couldn't support them. That the description of the ornate undertaker's "parlours," in this sketch is not exaggerated is shown by a recent advertisement in a New York newspaper. "An atmosphere of restfulness and quiet," it reads, "as if soothed by the presence of a kindly personality, is apparent the moment one enters the spacious reception hall of the Blank Building." There are cute of Mr George E. Blank, the undertaker, sitting at a flower-covered desk with two telephones at his elboAv, poring over correspondence; of the entrance to the Blank executive offices graced by two magnificent settees carved by hand from single blocks of marble. A statue of the 'Crouching Venus' lends an added touch of quiet dignity to the artistic setting." The "gorgeous conservatory" is also shown, "with ijs wide selection of flowers and plants,; and its staff of experts to give constructive suggestions." The family receptionroom is depicted, "as veiwed through a second floor corridor. Neither time nor money was spared in collecting rare paintings,; tapestries and sculpture from the four corners of the world to grace the various rooms of this distinctive building." The "Napoleonic reposing room" must not be forgotten, a room, "that would have pleased the great French Emperor i himself." "Musical Hearse." The penchant for music at funerals resulted in an ingenious invention by an enterprising Hebrew undertaker oa the east side of New York. As many of his clients could not afford to engage a band, he evolved what he called the "musical hearse" When the hearse moved along the street a music-box inside ground out appropriate airs. The inventive Hebrew is now doing more business than he can cope with. The undertakers of San Francisco felt* some years ago, in veiw of the elaborate character assumed by their J profession, that they had outgrown the customary term. Following the example of house and land agents, who bow call themselves "realtors," the undertakers proudly dropped the old term and substituted "mortician."