FLASHES OF FUN.

Shannon News, 23 April 1924, Page 1

FLASHES OF FUN.

Clerk: “New Suit? What colour?” Customer: “Any kind on which face powder will not show.” <s> <s>-•<» <S>

He: “So you’ve had a month's holiday?” She: “Well, three weeks, and a week with my husband’s people/’

“If I were to throw you a kiss, what would you think?” “I’d think you were the laziest man I’d ever met.” <s> <S> <3> -$> “So they are engaged? Does he know how old she is?” "Well, partly.” <s> i <S> <s> <S> He: “I told your father that I just dote on you.” She: “And what did he say?” He: “That I had better find an antidote.”

<s> <s> <s> <s> Worldly Winnie: “What did Bobme give youYar a Christmas present?” Muriel: “Oh, I really oughtn’t to tell.”

Worldly Winnie (completely ’misunderstanding): “How lovely! So did I from Auntie, beautifully trimmed and 1 hand-made.” , <S> <:> ,<S> <S> “That lady pretends to be no more than twenty.”

“Perhaps she is right. Her mou. stache is only just starting to grow.” <S> <s> <S> <£

Employer (to office boy applicant) “Where are your parents?” The Boy: I ain’t never saw them."

Employer: “Great Scott, boy! Have you forgotten your grammar?” , The Boy : “Ain’t never saw ’er neither, master.” <s> <s> 4> <§> “Where is the island of Cuba situated?’’ asked the teacher of a rather small',' forlorn-looking boy. j "I dunno, sir.”

“Don’t you know where your sugar comes from?”

“Yes, sir; we borrow it from next door.”

Tom: “Morning, Bill. Have you heard about Joe?” Bill: “No, what’s the matter with him ?”

Tom: “He’s got a growth behind diis nose.” Bill: “That’s bad. What do you thir.U it is?” Tom: “I don’t know, but he calls it his face.'

Old Gentleman: “Yes, I’m a regdlar customei now; but 1 laid the foundation of my forune by saving bus fares.”

Conductor: “Ah, you couldn’t do that now, sir—not with all them ’ere inspectors on the road!” <S> <s> <£ <B>

“What was the tenor of your husband’s last letter?” inquired counsel of the plantiff in the divorce suit. “There wasn’t any tenor to it; it was the basest thing I ever read,” re. plied the woman.

A man was hired as a cook in a restaurant. The manager asked him if he had muo. experience.

“Yes, sir; I was an officers’ cook two years and wounded twice.”

The manager tasted the soup the man made, and said: “You’re lucky, man. It’s a wonder they didn’t kill you.”

"What on earth kept you out till this hour of the night?” demanded Pat’s enraged wife from the upstairs nail as Pat softly closed the front door at 2.30 a.m.

“Well, darlin’,” replied Pat, “Oi’ve been iver since tin o’clock tryin’ to think up a good excuse for not bein’ home by 0.45.” <S> <s> <s> <S>

“What does this nation need?” shouted the impassioned orator. “What does the nation require if she steps proudly over the seething waters —if she strides boldly across the mighty ocean in her march of trade and freedom? I repeat, what does she need?” “Imdiarubber boots,” suggested the grossly materialistic person in a rear seat. <s> <s> <s> <e> “You are an hour late this morning, Pat.” “Yes oi know ut, sor.” “Well, what excuse-have you?” “I was kicked by my donkey on my way here.”

“That ought not to have detained you an hour, Pat.” “Well you sec, it wouldn’t have if he’d only kicked me im this direction, begorra; but he kicked me in the other direction.” <S> <3> <s> “There is something I must tell you, dear,” she said, looking up from th shoulder where her curly head was resting. “What is it, my precious?” “I’m afraid you won’t want to marry me when I tell you.” His eyes widened, but he drew her a little closer. “Don’t believe that,” he said. “But, John, dear) I’m —I’m a; somnambulist.” There was a puzzled little pause, and then he said: “It’s all right, darling; if there isn’t a church of that kind in the village we can be. married before a registrar,” j