IN THE LAW COURTS.

Shannon News, 25 March 1924, Page 2

IN THE LAW COURTS.

SOME WITTY SAYINGS.

North London defendant: I have an alibi; but it is not here now. Thames Court Avitness: lie ought to bin more pitied than sinned against. Man in Derbyshire: I Avas discharged from the Army ivith varicose brains. Judge Parfitt (at Clerkenwcll); The statement is not true, not ever in .a Cloikcnwell sense.

South London suspect: The policeman .walked'with measured beat and slow, so I hooked it.

Sir Chartres Biron, at Boat Street: What language is the prisoner speaking! Gaoler: Scotch, sir. East London man: He Avanted me to have a drink, so I had one to keep things compos mentis. Middlesex Magistrate, to a reveller: Havo you anything to say! man: Yes; but I have no ney.

Witness (at Marytebonc): I am here not only to answer questions, but to give evidence profusely. “He comes home, smashes the banisters and shouts, ‘There’s life in the old dog yet.’ ” —Bow landlady. Witness (at Marylebone): We are on fairly good terms, considering that we are husband and wife. .

Bow wife, sweetly: My husband refuses me. nothing, but all the same I find it more easy to help myself. Solicitor (at Shoreditch): What is your occupation! Woman: I help my' husband to collect and spond the dole. y Essex woman: It is a lie. I said no such thing. Neighbour, impressively: I saw you say it with my own eyes. Woman, hotly, in a Sussex Court; That woman is telling nothing but lies. May she be turned, into: a pillar of salt. Shoreditch woman: If a woman says that she is satisfied with her husband, he has, possibly, more montey than sense. Marylebone landlady, complaining of her lodger’s tefnper: He threw a clock into the fireplace. I thought that it was the end of time.

Hampshire husband: Wheij your wife makfcs a puddmg and you cannot tell it from a linseed poultice there is some excuse for being angry. North London Magistrate . Bp' fortune- telling charge): Did defendant say anything to alarm you? Policewoman: She said I should be married soon.

Devonshire complainant: My grandfather fought under the Duke of Wellington. Defendant: Yes, Your Worships, a public-house signboard in our street.

Willesden tenant: I pay Maepencc as rent for a bathroom, and I never use it by any chance. Magistrate: I think you ought to chance it, now and again. To a chimney fire defendant who said “Wo have asked the sweep to come," the Magistrate's Clerk said: "Ask him to come a few days earlier next time." To another who said: "We had the sweep a few days before," the reply was given: "Get u better sweep."