FLASHES OF FUN.

Shannon News, 16 October 1923, Page 4

FLASHES OF FUN.

Betty: "Now you’re engaged to Jack you should let him see you have a will of your own. Sit on him sometimes." Maud: "I often do when we are alone.”

Mistress:- “Nora, I won’t have that big lout of a milkman in my kitchen.”

Nora: "All right,’ mum, I know a smaller one.” !

Mrs Newlywed: “Immediately after marriage a man is different.” Mrs Longwed: "Yes, and a year after marirage he is inclined to b© indifferent.”

Book Canvasser: "Sir, I have a little work ” Busy merchant: "Then suppose you go and do it. I have mor© than a little.”

Wife (after husband’s violent outburst over telephone): "Oh, John, dear, I’m sure such language is: quite uncalled for."

Husband: “So’s the confounded number they’ve just given me!”

Connie: "I can’t stand kissing.” Charles: "I admit it is a bit trying, Shall* we find a seat?”

He: "Do you call that thing oa your head a hat?” She: “Do you call that tiling in your hat a head?” First Rejected Suitor: “Did you* know that Maude has a dark room on purpose for proposals?” Second Ditto; “Well, rather, I developed a negative there myself last night.” They had missed the train. “We wouldn't have missed it,” : he growled, “if you hadn’t been so long dressing.”

“Yes, and if you hadn’t hurried me so we shouldn't have such a long time to wait for the next. “Waiter,” he called, sniffing the air suspiciously, “what, is this smell of fresh paint around here?” ■ "If you just wait a few minutes, sir,” replied the waited, “them two young ladies at the next table will be going, sir.”

“Mother, I could never marry him, in spite of his wealth! I don’t like his vulgar ways.”, "You silly child, never mind his ways; think of his means.” Father (to small son): “A long time ago this very park was covered by the ocean. Little fish used to swim about here.”

Son: “Yes, I suppose they did. There’s a whol© lot of salmon tins in that corner.”

An Irishman had squeezed himsetf info a seat in the' car between two fat women, and presently began wriggling abuout. I’m afraid that you are not very, comfortable,” commented one of the; ladies. “Well,” responded the man. I haven’t much room to grumble.” ; r

Little Bobby had been allowed the privilege of sitting up a little later than usual. Finally he was told to* go upstairs. “Oh, say, sis,” begged the boy, “can’t”l sty up just a little longer? 1 want to see you and Mr Brown play cards.”

“But we are not going to play cards to-night, Bobby,” said [Mr Brown. “Oh, yes, you are; you can’t fool me,” replied the boy. “I heard mother tell sis that everything depended on the way she played her. cards to-night.”

Doctor: “That’s right, my little; man! I knew these pills of mine would pull you round. What did you put ’em in water or raspberry jam, eh?” Young Invalid: “Put ’em in my pea-shooter.”

She opened the door. “I’ve called to tune your piano, madam,” said the; piano tuner, very politely. “But I never asked you to call,” she answ*sied. “No; madam, but your neighbours did.”

-A bright little boy was being taken by his mother round the local cemetery. He read all the epitaphs with the insatiable curiosity of childhood. When they were leaving he asked whether they were going to the other cemetery. “You know, mother, the one where they bury all the bad people.”

Jack Dempßey has turned down an offer of three-quarters of a million to fight in Buenos Ayres. Mr Dempsey isn’t interested in fractions.

tunate, for a month among the bastis of Delhi; where drains as we know, them hardly exists, where all roofs aro thatched, al l clothes are dark and therefore' do not require washing, andwhere all houses contain the winter's store of cow dung for fuel —a month, a week here induces one to wonder why these people live at all.