AMUSING STORY OF AN ENGLISH BISHOP.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2832, 22 April 1882, Page 2

AMUSING STORY OF AN ENGLISH BISHOP.

A Homo paper says :—An incident of a somewhat startling, though amusing character, happened recently to one of our most popular bishops. He had been invited to preach on some special occasion in a country parish, and was proceeding to church after breakfast when his host, the rector, a man known to be given to “ dodges,” called him aside. “My Lord,” said he, “ I wish to tell you about the pulpit, which is constructed on a plan of my own, with a moveable bottom. This communicates with a screw underneath the floor of the church, and can be lowered or raised at pleasure to suit the height of any preacher. IE when your lordship goes into the pulpit yon find that the floor is not high enough please stamp gently with your foot. The sexton who, of course, will bo underneath, will wind you up until you signal for him to stop.” Now bis lordship is a somewhat stout and short man, with legs quite worthy (as to shape) of a dignitary of the Church, but unfortunately not of any great length. When he got into the pulpit he found that the floor was apparently unwound to its uttermost limit. He had hardly finished his prayer, as the last verse of the hymn before the sermon was being sung, when he discovered the state of affairs, and stamped gently with his foot, a signal which was at once responded to by a creaking sound below and a perceptible elevation of the floor. Then, again, the good bishop stamped; and, believing that the screw would forthwith stop working, delivered with due solemnity the injunction “ Let us pray,” To his horror, however, the screw so far from stopping, appeared on this second signal to revolve with the greater celerity. Little by little the good ecclesiastic found himself propelled towards the ceiling, prematurely proceed ing heavenwards. His sermon and his Bible slowly disappeared from before his eyes. He clutched at the pulpit candles to stay his upward tendency, and again he stamped in a ghostly manner on the treacherous floer. But it was of no avail. Onwards went the screw until the topmost rung was reached; and when the astonished congregation, who had been waiting for the prayer, raised their eyes to the pulpit they found, instead of an eloquent orator, a shamefaced and indignant mortal (the top of whose knee-breeches were visible above the railing of the pulpit), preserving his balance by clinging to the summit of the pulpit candelabra, and in whose face all appearance of saintly calm had given place to unmistakable signs of wrath and indignation. The horror-struck appearance of their rector as he rushed from the church, the audible creaking of the screw, and the gradual descent of the bishop to a level more in accordance with the fitness of things, enlightened the delighted congregation as to what had really happened. But the dignity and force of the subsequent discourse were powerless against the cachinnation that reigned universal in the church. The unhappy rector had, alas! omitted to state that while one gentle stamp of the foot was the signal to ascend, three stamps rendered in quick succession told the sexton that he was to stop screwing. Hinc ilia lachrymal !