SATURDAY GOSSIP.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2815, 1 April 1882, Page 2

SATURDAY GOSSIP.

A newspaper’s function/ is to supply ns with information. The solid course of facts may well he followed by an occasional dish of confections however/ After the day’s work one may enjoy oneVpipe^and^well— b'eVerage/'let'us' say, (for you ; see .that is a comprehensive term, including everything from' toast-and-water to vitriol), and I shall endeavor to provide, readers of this journal as are not above enjoying it, occasional relaxation in a humble fashion. I am neithet nor witty, but I have a little bit of philosophy;,and that must stand for both,

The Floral and' Horticultural Society have elected office-bearers once more, and: the' 1 quietly 1 tiseful J.S. is Chairman of Committee. The first persons elected were the “ patrons.”- What is the function of a patron ? Something after the style of the,, fifth wheel of a cpach, probably. We must presume that Mr Fatronus is made of finer clay than his neighbors ; that he has more eye for the beautiful and more nosefor the-fragrant than other people. Wanted—-An educated man for schoolmaster—-aged. None but an educated man need,apply.”. The, above appeared a, few. days ago in a country ; paper in the North Island. It is hardly necessary to stipulate so expressly for an;educated man. Most of the uneducated have a trade or craft or vocation, of some sort. The “.educated aged ” are ■ “ with us always ” > unhappily, and; until all / false notions , as ( to the ■ rearing of children without irfdiistrial training have been’ eradicated they will ever be with us. On the whole, 1/ think an educated man, if he be an educated man in a true and liberal 1 sense, /had ; better • invest his pocket money in two or three yards : of hemp and a, stout hook and pass the r remainder of his life at one end. of the hemp as close under a beam as possible, or He down, for a nap in front of a'locoinotive some dark night,, than, be a schoolmaster.

The forthcoming Universal Council of Freethinkers’ will, probably 1 be held 5 this year in ‘ Borne! So much f6r the whirligig of time, A Froethought Cpngress under the shadow of the-basiiica of St. Peter, Mr.' Bradlaugh presiding “ within cooey" of the Supreme Pontiff I Wonders will never cease. ■

So we. are to have-a Cloaca Maximum Tiraaru. I think we are all pretty well; agreed that it is much needed. For to speak mildly TimarA is not ’o’veri clekti. We may hope if the drainage scheme is carried out to enjoy the same'immunity from stinkSythaj: we now do from fires, The presence in l such immense force ‘ bf the demon water, has exorcised the other demon fire, ana irisilranco business ■iS|S merry one., ~v; , r ,

The African missionray, who is ex*, pected here shortly, has been delighting Northern audiences. One reporter says —At the' end of 'his lecture the, reVi' gentleman ;;sang ! 'itf ‘his bwp 'native, language" the beautiful shybin entitled, “All hail the power of Jesu’s nkmb',” arid the audience joined in the last , verse with mpch zest.” I don’t think 'wo shall do as much as that in Timarji! We* could’nt get an audience together able to sing with “much zest” in the language of Central Africa.

; The knowing ones—and we hare a few in Timaru-—“ always’ knew'a'crash was comihgV &c.’’ and everybody is wile after the event. Is' this’hot a sickening affectation of sagacity? Yet one always finds people ready Vtd claim..for them-" selves the possession of'Superior wisdom and foresight.

Mr Plimsoll, the ; seamen’s friend, 'is coming to the, colonies, and the sailors are going to welcome vicinity of the hawse-pipe Mr P.’ is held in reverent estimation,'but as ydn approach the stern windows the enthusiasm graddally 7 dies l away.- Some 1 four' years ago I paid , : a f yisitjp an Old shipper of my bourd; his own ship. Over the pipes and grog the bld oifello.w i and [I ichatted- , right, merrjly, hntiHntaa nnlucky 'tnoment l happened to refer to Plimsoll. 1 Then that ancient mariner arose in fury; tossed 1 , Off a brg ;: fotCf - Jamaica and'sw&e a mighty oath, which, if it werenot'for its pfofapity I should reproduce here, for.- 'its : pioturesquh ‘itfggedhess. 'said in effect'that ‘‘Saudr§.#iir’nt' sailors at all nbwj they ‘all 'wanted' buttered (oast for breakfast and v for dinner, .and were iip'pudeht, Useless, and i discontented generally.” With'' difficulty I pacified' the bid ! salt; and *he 'resumed his seat-with'a series of inastiff growls, and! knew one subjects at.least., that was,fqr ever jf tbe.p{sip of, that ship;

There is nothing poetical about an empty house as a rule, Unless ohe'|s of a verylultra sentimental turn indeed ; but passihg : a sometirhat ■' ancient and ’low' browed looking J’hbuSe rwhichimwas formerly, .a bowdinghouse, I could, not helpi thinking that‘ if the world in ;general is a“ stage, and.aHthe men pd wompn, merely hb w much; Bp is it the case with aboaVdiughouse'dhd'Tts ever.pha,nging.,oop|ipants. % ,.lt popfusing to (reflect .Tupori tbpdjqppß. feata;ahd pxppptatiqna .snd iregretptliat haYe|beeh gathered nightly .like--caged bfrd|sj the.- one comes the voyager, the,; now, cpum who has come to fry his luck, before.'whom lies perhaps a long term of weary waitipg for employment. Every night he ; sits down to count his little hoard, and his face falls ruefully as it seems to diminish so fast.'*' The swagmoh, 3 'the' veteran of the wallaby,, whom rough times and long tramping : have made dogged and immobile, comes to rest .and enjoy town life, until' a fresh Season comes round, when he shoulders once more his faithful bundle, 1 and 1 steadily tramps off to the accustomed bush ■; the hanger-on of town life who picks up,a scanty, and precarious Jiving,: and who is always distinguishable by his nprvous hurry and Jbitten nails. A troop of phantoms pass in at the doors: as evening comes on, everyone o! which imagination readily .clothes in the garb of reality.

Of' course the ledge of the drapery store at the corner and the railings' of the Bank of "New Zealand were placed in position for the solo and expro|s purpose of affording arresting-place, and the verandah was meant to be a commodious smoking SaloOn for, the noble fellows who live on pipe suction. Shall I be considered impertinent if I venture to suggest to these leisured gentlemen that occasional gentle exercise would be found beneficial to the liver and not at all injurious to the legs p lam led to say this not by any,, brutal - desire to worry the poor emaciated creatures of six feet, and forty inches round the chest,but because I believe a walk would really do them good, and would’nt do the public any harm. ' : : Puck.