MISCELLANEOUS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2773, 11 February 1882, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

Why should artists not affect .slouched bats?—Because ...chimney-pots would, make them draw better. About one-tenth of the .whole length of the channel between France and; England is already .bored. ~, i Spavin says' that the assertion “ Time. is money” is false, for he often has lots, of time on his hands, btit no money. The ' great Yarmouth Aquarium, which cost'£4o;ooo,was recently offered for sale without a bid being obtained.. , Busing 1881, the value of English and colonial property lest at sea by wrecks totalled £18,000,000.

The telegraph wire across the ffistah River, in India, is 6000 ft. in span, and is stretched from two hill summits each 1200 ft. high. A young female recently threw herself into the Thames, and gave as a reason to her .rescuer that “ she was tired of life and perplexed with its .mysteries.” The total value of imports into all the seven Australian colonies from all countries last year , \yas £45,060,666, atid‘ of exports to ‘ all countries £48,866.168.. r .-.; .; ; : “That’s what I call a finished sermon ” said akdy to her husband; as they wended ifieir way , from church. was the . reply, “ but,, do you know, I thought it never would be ?” The difference between a fool and mirror is,' that the fool speaks without reflecting, and the mirror reflects without speaking. . , , A man’s ’great arhbition is to be credited with, some great feat; a woman’s to'bo cr.ediied with small feet. “ Have,you a mother in-faw? p 7 asked a man of a disconsolate-looking person. “ No,” he replied, “ but I’ve a father in jail.” , : ' r .

A famous artist once painted an angel with six toes, Whoever saw an angel with 'six toes'?” one inquired. “ Whoever saw one with less ?” was the counter question. Thatsettled the argument. Hit and Missed.—A young Ipver is caUed 'a miss, guided man ; when he marries the lady, he is considered a miss-taken man. , The Land o’ Cakes.—Scene —Scotch river-steamer; deck hand feeding little dog with oatcake. Cockney tourist—- “ What breed do you call that P” Dock hand—" She’s a cake bred, sir;” A French oil merchant advertises that he bus a “ chasm ”■ for an apprentice. He has looked tip the word " opening” in the dictionary.

-What, city ifiFrance is amau abbut t< visit when he goes ;to get married ? Hi is going to Havre (have her). An. oh bachelor, being asked the - question promply replied, " To "Rouen” (ruin).,, ~ /“Old age is coming upon me rabidly, ’ said-an urchin who was stealing applei from an old man’s garden, as he saw the owner coming furiously towardf him with a stick in his hand. r Doctor H. nays that crying widow marry first. There’s nothing like , wel Weather for transplanting. 1 The following, advertisement’appean in , a South African paper-4 ‘/Ministers and others are respectfully requested nbl to marry Isaac Samson, who has already ,a wife and family.” . ‘ ’ “My .dear,” said a vain old man to his wife, “these friends here won’t believe that I’m only forty-five years old. You know I speak the truth, don’t you ?” “ Well,” answered ithe simple wife, “ I suppose 1 must believe

it, John as you’re stuck to it for fifteen years!” ■ ; Mr Edison; the . celebrated electrician,) supplies oyer a .thousand Nbw "fork houses with the electric light, at the gas rate of charge, and is 'stated to realise a large profit by the trans: action." ■ : ',' - An infinitesimp edition of the reyised tfew Testament has been published by Leggq,Bros;, and Co., New York; ..the type work on each page measuring 1 by Ijj inches. The book contains 446 pages, and-a single sheet of superfine pUper 24‘

by 38 inches is enough for a 'single copy. • „o The London “ Spectator ” states; the totaT rents demanded in. Ireland to be £17,000,000, a sum nearlye-qualto the interest, on the British national debt. ■ls it any.wonder that the Irish are poor -after submitting to such, a merciless bleeding? , ; ; In order to make marching easier for the German soldiers their feet are wrapped in linen soaked with lardi But bn the march;, especially: where the boots are too big, the sticky mud will pull the. boots off. During the recent parade before the Emperor, the hoots, came off by the hundred and a lairge’ fatigub party had to bo' sent out to pick op the foot gear. ; > : .A-/quantity, of bees, destined for Ontario, have just been received in in London from Cyprus. They were lei out near London for a fly, and afterwards repacked for the remainder b£, their‘joufhey. They are conveyed in" small boxes partly covered with per/ forated metal, and are provided with honey and water.. A similar consign) merit' of this .unusual freight wa? successfully forwarded to Canada lasi year. , •. ;

; The; other evening a Brush street policeman heard a whistle shrilly blown, ahd a.female voice calling for help, and after a short run reached-the scene of commotion. A man was getting up and falling , down on the doorsteps, and, a female had her head- out-of an upper window, and ,seemed to ;bo half scared: to death, “ What’s the matter ?" asked the officer. “ A man has been kicking on the door,” she answered. “ This man here ?” “ Yes, I thought he’d tear the whole house down.” The officer reached out for the man, and made two discoveries at once. It was the woman’s husband,land he was fighting drunk. ” ; Why, this man wouldn’t hurt you—he’s your husband!” he called out. “Is that so? Charles, is that you?” “ Bet yer life’s smee,"mumbled Charles. “ Then yoa really must excuse me, Mr Officer. You see we have only been ■'married six weeks, and I do not really recognise him yet. I’ll be down in a minute, darling I”