MISCELLANEOUS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2767, 4 February 1882, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

Why is it bad for a boy to be given a man’s clothes ?—Because in such a way he acquires loose habits. Some one tells us that one third of people's time is spent in bed. This accounts for their retiring disposition. Magistrate—" Prisoner, have you ever been convicted?” Prisoner —“ No, your honor; I have always employed first-class lawyers.” Sydney Smith said of a certain quarrelsome person that his very face was a breach of the peace. An observing laundryraan has discovered that the time for him to catch soft water is when it is raining hard.

Never trust to appearances ; it is the prosperous dentist who looks most down in the mouth.

When a Boston girl is presented with a bouquet, she says, “Oh, .how deliciously sweet! Its fragrance impenetrates the entire atmosphere of the room.” A “Down-east” girl simply says, “It smells scrumptious ; thanks, Reuben."

“ Tommy,” said a mother to a seven-year-old boy, “you must not interrupt me when lam talking to ladies. You must wait till we stop, and then you can talk.” “ But you never stop!" retorted the boy. “ Mother,” remarked a Duluth girl, “ I think Harry must be going to propose to me.” “ Why so, my daughter ?” queried the old lady laying down her spectacles, while her face beamed like a moon on its fourteenth night. “ Well, he asked me this evening if I wasn’t tired of living with such a menagerie as you and dad.’ A pretty girl out West told her beau that she was a mind-reader. “ You don’t say ao! "he exclaimed. “ Yes," she said, “ you have it in mind to ask me to be your wife, but you are just a little scared at the idea,” Their wedding cards are out.

Prof.—“ Which is the most delicate of the senses P” Soph.—“ The touch.” Prof.—“ Prove it.” Soph.—“When you sit on a pin, you can’t see it, you can’t hear it, you can’t taste it, you can’t smell it; but it’s there,” Two ounces of gun cotton, exploded 1000 feet above the sea by a rocket, give a volume of sound that is heard very loud at six miles distant, distinct as distant thunder at fifteen miles and a rumbling detonation at twenty-five miles.

An old colored man saw a sign in a chemist’s shop which read, “Tasteless medicines,” Looking in at the “ pizen mixer,” as he called him, he said, “Dat am de bes 1 advice I eber got—taste less medicines,” and then hurried away just in time to dodge a package which was thrown after him. In a certain town in Kansas lived a good deacon of the M. E. Church, who had two sons thirteen and fifteen years of age respectively. Going to the barn one day, he heard some chattering in the hay-mow, and listening, detected such expressions as “ I pass,” " Down she goes,” “Make it spades,” &o. Eightly divining that his boys, in company with some neighbors, were engaged in his abomination, a game of cards, he secured a good sized cudgel, and quietly mounted the ladder. Just as he stepped upon the mow one of the hopefuls asked, “What’s trumps?” The old gentleman answered, as he laid about him with the cudgel, “ Clubs is trumps, and it’s daddy’s deal! A lady in Bath was recently much alarmed by dreaming that someone was holding her wrist. Vainly endeavouring to* search for assistance, she succeeded at length in awakening herself. After a few minutes’ relief at being no longer under the influence of the dream, she became conscious that someone was really holding her left wrist, and all her strength was inadequate to release it. It could not be any of her friends had seized her wrist in sport,it was too rigid a cWand had been continued some time, foi her left hand was cold and numb. Cut just as she was able to speak, in a moment she found the relentless grasp was that of her own right hand, and not easy to draw from its twin companion, so desperate was its hold. This is a rare, but by no moans unique experience. Several cases have been recorded from time to time wherein a person Tins played ghoul to him or herself in sleep.

We have it on good authority that the Williamson dramatic company will play for a week in Timaru, commencing on Monday Feb. 13, A greater treat could not be promised theatre goers. A public trial of the Samuelson reaper and binder took place to-day In a paddock near the cricket ground belonging to Mr James King. The crop was wheat, rather light and short, but the machine gathered it up very [well, and made very neat sheaves. A good number of practical farmers visited the field during the day, and one and all were pleased with the new machine. The binding apparatus on on a cursory inspection reminds one of the Deering, and generally the machine has an American look. It is light and strong,and if anything less complicated in its mechanism than any other. It worked very smoothly, and with little noise, though the Howard has the advantage in this respect. The draught is light, two horses working it with ease. It bids fair to become a favorite.