MISCELLANEOUS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2696, 9 November 1881, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Danial Come to Judgement—- ‘ Prisoner, have you ever been convicted?’ No, your honor.’ Well, you’re going to be. Sit down till the case has been decided.’

The young man who worshipped the very ground his sweetheart walked on lessened his attentions when he learned that it was heavily mortgaged. It was in a Congregational council. The brother was up for examination prior to ordination, “ What is your weakest point?” was solemnly asked. “ Ask my wife,” was the prompt reply. He was ordained.

It isn’t because a woman is exactly afraid of a cow that she runs away and screams. It is because gored dresses are not fashionable. An observant contemporary notes that whenever a newspaper says a kind word of a man, that man never discovers the favour; but if a newspaper bandies a man a little roughly, the man finds it out by eight o’clock the next morning. This is the kind of man who when conferring with the editor upon his grievance, says his “ attention has been called” to the article in question. Said a young lawyer in Denver, not long ago: “ I’ve made 40dol. this week.” “How?” was asked. “Well I got lOdol. for a case and I borrowed 30d015.” The story is not unlike one told of Herin Murger, the noted Parisian Bohemian. “ What is your income ?” he was once asked. “It is hard to tell,” was the reply, “but in good years I can borrow at least 10,000 francs.”

A clergyman of the Church of England lately united in wedlock sweet Seventeen and Seventy. A few weeks afterwards the certificate of the marriage was found by the churchwardens in the collecting-plate when they counted the threepenny pieces of silver after service. The document was handed to the incumbent, who was unable to understand this form of contribution to church maintenance. He made it his business to seek out the lately-wedded bride, who innocently told him that she “ had changed her mind” —that she “ didn’t like the man ” and “ didn’t mean to be his wife any more,” and so sent back the con-tract-note.