MISCELLANEOUS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2666, 6 October 1881, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

“ It’s difficult enough to pick out a ’winkle with a pin,” said an unsuccessful sporting prophet as lie sat at his tea, “ but it’s nothing to picking out a winner,”—Punch.

The Dean—“ Well, I’m glad you’re gettting on well in your new place, Jemima. When I’m in London I will call and see you.” Jemima —“ Oh, sir, missus don’t allow no followers !” — “ Punch.”

A London paper saj's —“Mr Joseph Biggar, M.P., is a bachelor, a teetotaller, a politician, and a pig merchant. As a pig merchant he is a big success, but as a politician he is a Bigger.” Doctors differ. Some say whiskey hardens the brain, others say it softens it. Meanwhile people without brains will keep right on drinking it, as it does not make an atom of difference to them. Brown says the best way to retain a young lady’s affections is not to return them.

Authors are spoken of as living in attics, because so few are able to live on their first story.

The fool goeth out in a sailing boat when he doesn’t know a boom from a breaker, but the wise man picks up pebbles on the shore and flirts with the girl in the pink dress.