BREVITIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2658, 27 September 1881, Page 3

BREVITIES.

Why is a baby like wheat ? Because it is first cradled, then threshed, and finally becomes the flower of the family. A modern essayist defies gossip to be putting of two and two together and making five of them. Jay Gould controls 7,000 miles of rali road.valued at 140,000,000 dols, but any athletic schoolboy in the land can throw him down, and give him underhold at that.

When a man expires at Peoria, 111., from having delirium tremens, they say he “ died a natural death.” It may be a “ natural death ” in Peoria.

When it comes down to fine figuring there is a woman in Ohio who is entitled to the first premium. She owed her hired man 320 dols for labour performed. To square the account she married him and for 60 dols got a divorce, coming out of the speculation 260 dols ahead. The very latest, nicest little idea is for a young lady to decorate a miniature bellows and send it to her best gentleman friend. It signifies “ don’t mind your poverty ; this will raise the wind.”

A recent parliamentary paper shows that 240 persons were drowned in New Zealand during the four years that ended on the 30th of June, 1881. The same paper show's that 1,909 persons have been drowned in the Colony since the year 1840.

If you want to get the reputation of knowing a heap, do as Professor Procfor does. Ho guesses what happened 3,000,000 or 4,000,000 years ago, and predicts what is to happen’ 15,000,000 years hence. It is only a few' years since he commenced, and now he can get credit at any grocery,

The number of miners and other persons employed in and about the mines in England, Scotland and Ireland, dnrinp' 1880, aggregated 537,841. In the coal mines 391,381 were employed under ground and 93,552—0 f whom 4,640 were females—above ground. The total number of fatal accidents was 897, and deaths caused thereby was 146*2, The average of deaths by accidents was 1 to every 383 persons employed, and exactly the same as the average of the last seven years. A few years ago Lord Fitzhardinge caused considerable talk among stock breeders by paying 4,500 guineas for a shorthorn boll, known as the Duke of Connaught. There were many breeders who thought a man who w'ould pay such a price for a bull was a fit subject for a lunatic asylnra, and so expressed themselves. At a recent sale of shorthorns Lord Eitzhardinge stated that the bull in question had already earned 7,000 guineas, besides procuring for him stock which had never been beaten.

A Sydney telegram in the “ Age ” of the Bth inst. states that “ some singular circumstances occurred in connection with a coroner’s inquest to day on the body of a seaman named Peterson, who w'as drowned in the harbor. When the jury preceded to view the body it had disappeared. A search was made in all directions, but it could nowhere be found. Ultimately it was ascertained that it had been buried by the undertaker, he believing that the inquest had been held. An order was sent to disinter the corpse, which w'as brought back into the city and was tumbled on the table. The jury were dissatisfied with the unceremonious manner of the proceedings.