MISCELLANEOUS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2563, 8 June 1881, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

Solomon had seven hundred wives. Woman didn’t wear seal-skin saques in Solomon’s time.

A scientifically disposed contemporary has discovered that burning the bunghole of a kerosene barrel with a red hot poker will cause the barrel to disappear. A boyish novice in smoking turned deadly pale and threw away his cigar. Said he : “ Thar’s nomething in that air cigar that’s made me sick.” “ I know what it is,’’said his companion, pulling away. *■ What ?” “ TobaekerV

Sufficient Grounds for Refusal.— Scene, Life Insurance Office, Dublin ; Surgeon of the company—“ Heart and liver sound as a bell. Be Garge, ye’vo the foinest life I iver saw, sor ! What’a your business or profession, now?” Applicant —“I haven’t got any.” Surgeon—“ Fwhat Iye don’t mean to say ye’ve got land ?” Applicant— “ A few acres.’’ Surgeon—” Faith, thin I’m sorry for ye. Be gorra, ye won’t do for us !” Certificate refused.—“ Punch.”

At the last Nenagh assizes an old woman was charged with having maliciously set fire to a Roman Catholic chapel. Observing that she was what was called “ unrepresented by counsel,” the Judge said to her “Have you no counsel ?” •* I have not, yer anner,” answered the old woman cheerfully. ” But I must tell you what perhaps you do not know, that this is a very serious offence, and that you may be sent to prison a very long time. Surely you have at least an attorney?” “IHvil a one, yer anner," said the old woman. ” But,” she added, with an encouraging wink and a smile, ‘‘l’ve several good friends among the jury." In explanation of Carlyle’s ill-natured remarks in his “ Reminiscences ” about Charles Lamb, the following story is told :—The two were once members of a party who were taken to see a pen of exceptionally fine game-fowls. Carlyle, in bis high moral manner, began to improve the occasion by expatiating upon the lessons to be learut from the

The correspondent of a contemporary slates that private advice has been received in Wellington that New Zealand oats are selling at Home at 8s 9d per cental. As this information comes from a leading Liverpool house it is much more likely to be'correct than the quotations sent through Reuter for London trade purposes.

It will be remembered that at last meeting of’the'Harbor Board the question of procuring a small steam launch came upon -the carpet, but the Board did not come to a decision respecting the purchase of one', and the desideratum is likely to be supplied by private enterprise Messrs Bradley and Lcask having to-day proceeded to Sydney to procure a launch suitable for towing purposes, of about-25 horse-power and 40 tons burthen. This will supply a want long felt, and hy increasing the efficiency of our harbor, add to the importance of Ihe place.

The Breakwater has stood the recentheavy seas remarkably well, the unsettled block at the end not having been disturbed. The wife ones who shake their heads whenever the Breakwater is mentioned, will have to look out for a hew cause for grumbling.

At the Dunedin licensing meeting yesterday, Mr Stout mentioned that in Dunedin and suburbs there were 119 publican’s and 71 bottle licenses, for a population of 47,000. Mr Simpson said this would be found to be the smallest proportion of licensed places, according to population, of any city in the colony. Mr Stout said he did not think that the proportion was so small, as in Christchurch, where they had no bottle licenses.:

The Lydia Howarde Comic Opera Company will appear in Timuru for three nights only, commencing on Friday next, When they will open with the ever-popular “ Pinafore.”

Come and drink Billy Hurcombe’a health. Oysters, Is 6d, and a glass of Porter gratis to wash them down.— [Advt.]