BREVITES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2548, 21 May 1881, Page 2

BREVITES.

American cotton belting ia now, it appears, obtaining more appreciation in England. Mr Kircaldy, the wellknown expert, baa made aome tests recently, and baa found that a 3£ inch cotton belt broke under a load of 4287 lbs., while an English belt, 4 inches wide was broken at 20001bs. A physician invented a compound that would immediately sober a drunken man, and the first person he tried it on indignantly demanded money to get full on again, as he couldn’t afford to have the money spent wasted and the next day a vigilance committee notified the doctor to leave town. “ What are these cups for ?” asked a well dressed man of a jeweller, pointing to some elegant silver cups on the show case. “ These are race-cups, to be given as prizes to the best racer.” “If that’s so, suppose you and I race for one,” and the stranger, with cup in hand, started, the jeweller after him. The stranger won the cup. This is said to be the best pun ever made in America. Horace Greeley, during the Scott campaign, declared that he execrated and spit upon the Whig platform. A Western New York editor remarked that if Greeley spat upon the Whig platform he could not expect-torate as a Whig.^ An American tourist was inspecting St Paul’s London, under the guidance of an Irish verger. Suddenly the litter said with bated breath, '* ,Sh, surr ’sh, for we’re approaching the tomb of the great Juke —the Juke of Willingtca surr. Sure, surr ho loies there ; and undernaith him there,s at laste tin tons of granite. And thin comes an iron sarcophagus—and he’s in that. And top o’ that, surr, there’s at laste fifteen tons more of Oirish granite, that’s at the same toime a protiction and a mimorial.” The American replied—“ Well, I guess you’ve got him sure. But if the old fellow shows any signs of breaking out just you cable at my expense, to Peeria Illinois.” The Waikato “ Times,” in describing the Waitoa station, says ;—Three years ago the Government upset price, at all events, was £2 per acre for some of the estates I have seen round these parts ; and now I am quite Mire that if anybody wore to offer Mr Lurk worthy from £6 to £8 an acre, he would immediately refuse that amount.”

A gentleman, passing a country church while under repair, observed to one of the workmen that he thought it would be an expensive job—“ Why, yes,” replied he : “ but, in my opinion, we shall accomplish what our reverend divine has endeavoured to do for the last thirty years in vain.”— 1 “ What is that?” said the gentleman—“ Why, bring all the parish to repentance.” A few enterprising gentlemen have arranged to run a coach from Liverpool to York. Fare, one penny per mile. The distance in about 100 miles, and is 8s 4d for a ride through some of the best scenery in Lancashire and Yorkshire. Can’t be dear at that price. The Grey “Star” says:—Public subscriptions to make up the defalcations of a* clerk “ with a pedigree,” is the latest charitable dodge in Greymouth. Dr Wm. Chambers, who started “ Chambers’ Journal ” 49 years ago, still continues to conduct that magazine with unabated energy. This goes beyond Dr C. S. Hall’s editorship of the “ Art Journal ” for 42 years without a break. In an interview with Dion Boucicaulfc on the Irish question, in the Boston “ Traveller,” that actor is made to say—“ You must remember that the Irish people are not theatrical people. The irish drama in Amearica is more supported by Americans than by Irish. The Irirh are too fond of acting themselves, even in their own theatrical entertainments. This is so much the fact that in Dunedin I have been obliged, on more than one occasion, to ask the audience on which side of the footlights the performance was going on, and whether I was not the spectator and they the actors.”