Page 4 Advertisements Column 4

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2504, 30 March 1881, Page 4

A slow Match—A couple that marry after 20 years’ courtship. What an Insensible Father Says— As the twig is bent the boy is inclined to shoot out at the door. Collectors of China.—Celestial taxgatherers. Weapons of Political Warfare.— Liberal and Conservative “ clubs.” A dangerous character.—A man who “ takes life” cheerfully. Journalist Incident. —“ I want to see the villain that wrote this article. Where is the proprietor of this paper ?” “ He’s out.” “ Where’s the managing editor?” “ He’s out.” “ Where’s the city editor ?” He’s out." “Where’s the reporter?” “ He’s out.” “ Where'm I?” (Eick-etty-slang-bang-jara!” Two panes of glasss broken.) “ You’r e out.” Man carried to Hospital. Verdict —Struck by lightning. Still they will do it!—“ New York despatch.” “ Why, Franky ” exclaimed a mother at a summer boardinghouse, “ I never knew you to ask for a second piece of pie at home.” “I knew twarn’t no use,” said Franky, as he proceeded with his pie-eating, A French artist gave his last work to a porter to convey to the Salon. “JBe careful,” said he; *■ the picture is scarcely dry,” “ Oh, never mind,” exclaimed the porter, “My clothes are old!” A youug lady who has been married a short time lately told a “bosom friend ” that there was only one thing more astonishing than the readiness with which Ned gave up smoking when they became engaged, and that was the rapidity with which he took took to it again after they were married. A friend of mine who attended the levee expressed his astonishment to find that the Governor was attended by a “ big soot.” A feeling of delicacy prevented me from asking him if it was the “Eoko Tui of Thaukaumbau” to whom he referred. I expect it must have been. I should have wished, however, that my friend had applied a more polite term in speaking of that Fijian gentleman, for although he may be called a “ big soot,” he is nevertheless a fine-looking man. A countryman from Newmarket - onFergus, County Clare, arrived in Limerick on a novel and somewhat ludicrous errand. He wanted to have a card printed with a woman’s name on it, stating tnat she belonged to the Land League. Wnen questioned on the subject he stated that the woman in question—one Bridget Tuohy, of Newmarket—had gone mad, the most acute form of the disease showing itself in her when she raved about her not being a member or the Land League. Her friends thought by getting a card with the words, Bridget Tuohy, Land League, printed on it and hung round her neck that the woman ,s malady would be alleviated, if not totally cured. The card in question was printed for the man, who returned home with the curative result of the proceeding still to be ascertained. There is a curious story afloat of a gentleman whose preserves are very large, yet nearly empty of game, anticipating a visit from certain personages. He bought np an immense number of pheasants, and turned them all loose into his grounds. When the I time for shooting came, at the first gun fired they all rose and took wing away into an adjoining wood, and were seen no more.