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South Canterbury Times, Issue 2494, 18 March 1881, Page 4

They were soon to be married, He had vague ideas of house-furnishing, and he asked her what kind of carpets he should get for the parlour. She said, ‘ Axminster.’ And thereupon he warmly protested that it was none of the minister’s business. Two Kentuckians had been stopping at a Chicago hotel. One of them was fiercely disputing the correctness of the bill which the clerk had just presented to him, when the other took him by the arm and said, “ Colonel, never forget that you are a Kentuckian. Kill the clerk but pay the bill.” A man never realises, remarks a commercial traveller, how plentiful mustard is, and how scarce are bread and meat, until he tackles a railway refreshmentroom sandwich. Explanation wanted. —“ What,” asks a correspondent, “ causes the hair to come out ?” Before we answer we must know whether you are marriedor single. This is important to a true understanding of the case. A Coincidence. —A lawyer once rushed up to Jerrold in the street and said, with a flushed face—“ Mr Jerrold, I’ve just met a scoundrelly barrister.” Jerrold looked at him with a bland smile and simply answered, “What a coincidence?” Businesslike and Straightforward.— Three American young ladies, stopping at a village inn in Switzerland, filled in the column in the visitors’ book headed “ Occupation ” with the words, “ Looking for a husband.” A negro, after gazing at some Chinese shook his head and said solemnly, “It de white folks be so dark as dat out dar, I wonder what’s de color oh de black folks. Too clever.—A girl sued a man for breach of promise, and proved him such a scoundrel that the jury decided that she ought to pay him something for not marrying her. i