Page 3 Advertisements Column 1

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2489, 12 March 1881, Page 3

WHITEWASHED. L -<> The humorous contributor to the “ Sydney Mail ” has the following in a recent issue ;—lt was a good practical joke, of which the principal constituents were a bucket of liquid whiting and an ordinary whitewash brush, and the locality was somewhere on the southern coast. There was an agricultural show or a race meeting, which was followed by a dinner,- to which all the leading men of the district bad come. To further enliven the proceedings, a circus troupe was in the town. The leading men, for the greater part, came to the feast on horses ; and these—special permission having been obtained—were turned into a good paddock. There were bays, browns, and blacks; and these, while the owners were feasting, by the aid of the whitewash before mentioned, some wag converted into pie and skewbalds. Midnight had come before the last toast was responded to, and all sought their horses to take, flight. The paddock was reached, and in the dim light each man, with bridle on arm, sought his rusty steed. So manj hard words were never before uttered in the distinct when the universal verdict was declared “ the circus men had let out the residents’ horses and turned their own in.” The owner of the paddock, who was one of the banqueters, was more , irate than any of the lot, and warmly seconded the motion, that every horse of the lot should be put in the pound—and pounded they were. Daylight brought head-aches and misgivings, and never were pound-fees paid with less cheerfulness. The general desire now in that district is to learn who is the local Landseer.

The abolition of the intolerable nuisance caused by the locomotives whistling or rather howling, when passing over crossings has been purchased at the sacrifice of a bullock’s life, and most people will think the boon was cheap at the price. The order was rescinded, we are informed, to-day. Two stacks of wheat and two of oats, the property of Mr P. Power, farmer, Levels Plains, were burnt down on Thursday night. Mr Power was away from home at the time. The fire is supposed to have been caused by children who were playing about. Careful enquires have been made and no stranger is known to have been in the locality at the time of the fire. The value of the stacks was £l3O and they were insured lu the National office for £BO. Mr George Gould has commissioned Mr Eobert Wilkin who is at present on a visit to the Old Country, to make a selection of useful works on various subjects of interest to agriculturists, which he intends presenting to the reference library of the Canterbury Agricultural and Pastoral Association. The committee in their annual report, desired to record their thanks to Mr Gould for his generosity, and also expressed the hope that others would follow the good example set by that gentleman. Messrs Wildie, Allan, and Stumbles announce a sale of rams at the South Canterury Earn Fair on Tuesday, March 22. A large assortment of household furniture and effects will be sold at Messrs W. Collins.and Co’s room on Monday at 2 p.m. The prospectus of the Kakahu Colliery Company appears elsewhere. The proposed capital is £SOOO in fivet housand shares of £1 each. The quabty of Kakahu coal and the other minerals discovered in that district are too well known to need any lengthy description. In addition to the fuel, which is adapted for domestic, manufacturing, and gas making purposes, there is a large quantity of white' building stone, fire clay, and marble, The object of the promoters is to develope these minerals by the employment of proper plant and machinery. The undertaking is one of those ventures to which but little risk is attached, and it holds out very strong inducements to those who aie seeking a promising investment for capital.

“Mr Smith,” said at a fair, “ wont’ you please buy this bouquet to present to the lady you love ?” “ Twouldn’t be right,” said Mr Smith ; I’m a married man.” “If Jones undertakes to pull my ears ,” said a loud-mouthed fellow on a street corner, “he will, just have his hands full.” The crowd looked at the man’s ears and smiled. Always at it.—“My business is to talk,” said a stump speaker. “ I deaHn words and sentences.” “ Yes,” cried one in the crowd ; “ and as long as I have known you, your place of business has never been closed. “ Look here, Matilda,” said a Galveston lady to the colored cook, “ you sleep right close to the chickenhouse, and you must have heard those thieves stealing the chickens.” “ Yes, ma’am; I heerd do chickens holler, and heerd de voices oh de men.” “ Why didn’t you go out then?” “’Case, ma’m ” —bursting into tears—“ ’case, ma’am, I knowed my old fadder was out dar, and I wouldn’t hab him know I’se los’ confidence in him foah all de chickens in de world. If I had gone out dar and kotched him, it would have broke his ole heart, and he would hab made me carry the chickens home foah him besides.” After a barber had finished shaving a stranger the other day, the man asked what the charge was, and when told that it was ten cents, he asked : “Don’t you have any wholesale rates ? Wouldn’t you give me three shaves for twenty-five cents ?” “ Yes, I reckon I could do that.” “ Then go ahead and shave me twice more,” said the stranger, and he climbed back into the chair. The barber lathered, shaved, lecbmbed his hair, and cried “ Brush !” and the man reseated himself and took a third shave without a word. His face had a lobster color when he got through, but he handed out a quarter and said said: “ I don’tknow, but it would have been better to take seven shaves for half a dollar, but this will do just now.” For conformation of News see fourth page.