Page 4 Advertisements Column 4

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2461, 7 February 1881, Page 4

An enemy of Mammon. —“ Go where there is the most sin,” said the old clergyman’s coachman, when asked which of two calls the dominie ought to accept. The old man thought it over and concluded that where there was most money there would be most sin. So he accepted the call which offered the most substantial salary. Effective. —It was a coloured preacher who said to his flock, “we have a col lection to make this morning, and for the glory of heaven, whichever of you stole Mrs Jones’s turkeys, dont put anything in the plate.” One who was there says, “ Every blessed niggah in de church came down wid de rocks.” Another old British institution disappeared with the old year—the “ pipe clay” belt worn in the army. The Guards only will retain theirs, in deference to the Duke of Cambridge. The “ pipe clays” will bo replaced by belts of brown leather. Lady (engaging footman): “ You are clever at table?” Jeames: "Yes ma’am.” Lady: “ And you know your way to announce?” Jeames: “Well ma’am, I know my weight to a pound or so; but I’d hardly like to say to an ounce.” Stars and Stripes.—A huge Yankee in England, on being profusely thanked for having rescued a lady from the attack of a ferocious dog, which he seized by the throat and throttled, said, “ Of course, I was glad to help the girl; but what I wanted most was to give that condemned English cur some adequate notion of the American eagle.” Knowing Members. —The Legislature of Illinois having proposed to pass a Bill requiring hotelkeepers to furnish every room above the second story with a rope ladder, as a fire-escape, the landlords hit back by saying that it was mere device on the part of the Legislators to enable them to slip away from their hotels without paying their bills. BY ROYAL LETTERS PATENT. THE GREATEST WONDER OF THE AGE 1 JOSEPHSON’S AUSTRALIAN OIN T MENT. Guaranteed to be free from all poisonous qualities, and composed of vegetable matter only, being made from the wild plants which only grow in the bush of New South Wales.