DR LEMON AND THE TELEPHONE.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2429, 30 December 1880, Page 4

DR LEMON AND THE TELEPHONE.

A correspondent states that Dr Lemon, superintendent of telegraphs, has been testing the telephone privately. The other evening lie put himself in communication with an operator in a distant part of the North Island. When he retired the doctor looked flushed and agitated, and it was observed that bits hair and whiskers bore an appearance as if they had been recently stirred with a curry-comb. The superintendent, in reply to the anxious queries of his friends, assured them that the Rell-Edison experiment had been most successful, but his features belied the assurance, The following description of the colloquy supplies the cause of the doctor’s despondency :

Dr Lemon —Merry Christmas to you. Operator (yawning)—What’s in the wind Imvs? Is’nt that the old gander sqtieaking ?

Dr Lemon (wrathfulty)—You had better be civil, or the old gander will pluck some of his goslings. Operator (laughing)—Well now, hear that! The old gander’s getting crusty. (Singing)—Ganders, danders, slanders, don’t I wish lie had the glanders. Dr Lemon—l’m afraid 3'ou have been drinking. I shall have you suspended. Operator (still laughing)—Just hear old orange pips. (Putting his mouth to the instrument) —How’s Maginnit3” ? Dr Lemon—No impertinence. I shall have to pay 3 r ou a visit. Operator (loudly)—Our salaries you mean, never mind the visit.

Dr Lemon—Do you know who 3 - ou’ro talking to ? Operator—An ugly old buyback of an operator in petticoats, I believe. Dr Lemon—Sir, I’ll have no more of this. You’re contumacious.

Operator—Well done wrinkles ! Can’t you get savage now. Contumacious! Did you steal a dictionary lately ? Dr Lemon—You shall be dismissed for this impertinence. Operator—Perhaps you lodge in the public library ; but don’t get your back up old woman. It’s only in fun. Dr Lemon—lt’ll be dear fun, I’m thinking. Operator—Don’t explode, old blunderbuss, I’m not Maginnity, you know. Dr Lemon (shrill with vexation) —Do you know that I’m Dr Lemon, your superintendent and chief ? Operator—Nonsense. Can’t be. You’ve got a voice like a penny whistle. You won’t scare me that way. Dr Lemon—l tell yon, sir, lam your superintendent.

Operator—Then you’ve got a good billet, and my advice to you is to stick to it as long as you can. You did well to sacrilice Maginnity. It just saved your skin. Dr Lemon—Put it won’t save your’s. Consider yourself suspended. Operator—To a telegraph pole ? Look ye, my bold friend, if you are Dr Lemon you had better drop this conversation. Dr Lemon—More impudence ; this is unbearable.

Operator (angrily) —Jim, I must get rid of this impudent fraud of an old woman who calls herself Dr Lemon. Why, the Superintendent is holding his holidays, Just attach that forty; horsepower battery to this wire, and we’ll see if we can’t deafen her. At this point the doctor’s hand began to tremble, and he dropped the PellEdison instrument in vexation. Next morning Jhe local paper intimated that “the conversation was sustained with almost t)ic same* facility as would ensue were the two speakers in the same room.’’,. The operator lias since been going in for reckless extrava. gance, soothing himself with Old J udge cigarettes, and he conlidently expects that he will be numbered with the next batch of reductions.