VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2405, 1 December 1880, Page 4

VARIETIES.

A nobleman who was in the habit of speaking to soldiers in an affable manner was amused when a guardsman said to him in a hearty and genial way, “ I like you, my lord, there's nothing of the gentleman about you.” The Spaniards have a saying, “In choosing a wife, shut j'our eyes and commend your soul to God.” I Divorce is easy in Switzerland. The authorities have power to dissolve marriage when it is shown “ that the continuation of the common life is incompatible with the nature of marriage.” A servant at Government Mouse, Sydney, presented her husband the other day with the 24th child. At a forced sale of timber in the Manawatu district, a large quantity of good rimu timber was sold at lod and Is per 100 ft. Mrs Bloomer, the projector of the famous bloomer costume, has just celebrated her fortieth birthday. The other day a vessel left Maryborough (Queensland), with 2800 gallons of rum and one missionary. On Cup day, at Melbourne, a wellknown Sydney Hebe donned a dress which cost <£l2o. Two of the members of the Strauss Band are said to be Australians, named Murphy, who formerly lived and placed in Adelaide. The showers on Sunday morning are alleged to have damped the energies of certain clergymen who had prepared elaborate prayers for rain. Young Redwood, who rode Ladybird 'in the Champion Race some twenty ■ years ago, is now the Homan Catholic Bishop of Wellington. Tom Mewis, the Timaru stump loclecttirer, had a bad half hour at Waimate on Saturday. Advertisements, posters, bellringer, and band notwithstanding, he failed to attract an audience. To escape his creditors he had to beat a retreat to the nearest pub, where he made a rambling speech, sent the hat round, and raised live shillings. Some people arc born to ill-luck. An old woman who has pasted nearly five thousand medical recipes in a book during the past forty } r oars has never been ill a da}'in her life, and she is growing discouraged. “My dear,” said a sentimental maiden to her lover, “ of what do. these autumnal tints, this glowing baldric of the sky, this blazing garniture of the dying year, remind you ?” “Pancakes” he promptly answered. And then she realized,, for the first time, that two hearts did not beat as one. No oue who does not possess, or is unable to assume, the Scotch accent, is qualified for the part of Bailie Niyol Jarvie, in “ Hob Hoy.” Unfortunately, a certain actor who could not disguise his tongue, consented on a certain occasion to act in Glasgow the part in question. The “Glasgow bodies” were naturally indignant at his presumption, and, in the course of the performance, a man in the gallery called out, “ Whar’s your accent ?” Nothing abashed, the actor came forward, and looking toward the interrupter, calmly replied, “ You've got it.” A Galvaston tramp wanted a good square meal. The gentleman said—‘‘Why dmi’t you do like Dr. Tanner does ? Get fat on nothing but water.” “ Sirrah !” replied the tramp, sticking his hand inside his breast pocket, “ do you take me for a mountebank ?”

A <>() per cent, man from Sydney, theother day started for Melbourne overland, but on reaching the Border his wife’s jewcllry was seized by the Victorian Customs officials, who were of opinion that Mrs (10 percent, ought not, without contributing to the general general revenue, appear at Elemington on Cup-day decked with diamonds.

About the best “Hardly ever "occurred in Townsville at the" wedding of Edith Pender. The Hegistrar, being under the impression that she had been married before, asked her if it wore not so. Surprised at receiving the answer “No,” he exclaimed “What, never?” “Well,” said the bride, hardly ever.” On Sunday afternoon a two months Benedict at Whangaroa had his honeymoon suddenly eut short. It seems Mr Benedict had been doing the amiable with an old spark of his, and had given her his horse for an afternoon ride when his better half stopped his little game by administering a good horsewhipping and taking the horse away from his old love, at the same time giving her a bit of her mind—rather a good lesson in matrimony. There is another sensational divorce case on the tapis in the South Seas. The petitioner is a gentleman who was born in a mud cabin in Wicklow. He has little education, but is now an insular magnate. He married a half caste girl, who has preferred a full-blooded Fijian to her liege lord. He got his divorce, but sticks to his or her children!