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South Canterbury Times, Issue 2382, 4 November 1880, Page 3

The beehive is the poorest thing in the world to fall back on. Cabby’s Idea of Hire Education. — Knowledge how to charge. Some women were evidently born to blush unseen—at least they are never seen to blush. The fellow who picked up the hot penny originated the remark, “ All that glitters is not cold.” The war cry of the army of tramp.s — To alms. Mark Twain thinks that every steamboat should be compelled to carry in a conspicuous place the following notice . —“ In case of disaster do not waste precious time in meddling with lifeboats—they arc out of order.” Hard to Manage.—The hardest thing in the world for a young woman to do is to look unconcerned the iirst time she comes out in a handsome engagement ring. Six-year-old—“ Ma, what’s mellow p” Mother—'“Kipe.” Six-year-old—” Then is pa ripe ?” Mother —“ Why do you ask p” Six-year-old—“ ’Cause the cook said to the chambermaid that pa came home rather mellow last night.” No Necessity.—“ Shall the husband keep a wife informed of his business affairs ?” asked an innocent. There is no necessity. She will find out five times as much as he knows himself without the least trouble. Common Complaint. Physician (to Government clerk) —“ Well, what do you complain of ?” G.C. —“ Sleeplessness, doctor.” Pli3'sician —“ At what time do you go to bed?” G.C. —■ ‘ Oh, I don’t mean at night but during ‘office hours.” A Denver man whose horse was stolen offered the following discriminating rewards: —“ 50 dol. for the thief, PO dol. for the horse and thief, and2oodol. for the dead bod} r of the thief.”