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South Canterbury Times, Issue 2374, 26 October 1880, Page 2

A woman in red was seen at the Coney Island races by a fashion correspondent who furnishes the following description ;— ‘ She was outwardly clothed in red from top to toe —from her red plumed hat to her red leather slippers. The material of her costume was velvet aud satin in the main, and the color throughout was a bright scarlet, which glowed and glistened in the hot sun like a big live coal. Her slippers were low showing red silk stockings of the liuest texture ; her jewellery was red carved ivory, her gloves were red, too ; not a glimpse of anything but red could be caught about her except her face, neck, and hair.’ A Kingsbridgc lady tried to put a live bee on the head last Tuesday. We will not tell how she ran when the whole hive run after her, because everybody knows how a woman stung runs.

Mark Twain thiuksthat every steamboat should be compelled to carry in a conspicuous place the following notice . —“ In case of disaster do not waste precious time in meddling with lifeboats—they are out of order.” It is not half as much fun to run a lawn mower the last ten minutes as it is when you first take hold of the machine. Familiarity breeds content. The only time in life when a woman seems to be happy is when she calmly sits and attempts to trim a now bonnet with old trimmings. She seems to be truly happy, but what a Vesuvius is at work within her.

A Practical Joke.—There was preaching in a Kansas town the other Sunday and all in consequence of a practical joke perpetrated by a lively young girl, who inspired by the flesh, and a little of the devil mixed, sat down late on Sunday evening, and sent a note to all the pastors. Each containing these words, ‘ All is discovered—fly.’ Every one of the four fled. The greatest satisfaction a woman can feel is to know that a man whom many other woman love, loves her alone. A Chicago lady cut a dog in two to recover an earring which the pup had swallowed, she was a delicate creature —the dog was. Getting up a revival —holding ammonia to the nose of a person in a fainting fit. In purchasing a house, the buyer should be sure the seller is not too deep for him. A Man in Missouri planted some beans late one pleasant afternoon, and the next morning they were up--thanks to his hens A Scotchman asked an Irishman, “Why were half-farthings coined in England?” Pat’s answer was, “ To giro Scotchmen an opportunity of subscribing to charitable institutions.” According to a London society journal, a “ French statesmen” not long ago said of Lord Hartiugton, “ What I principally like about Lord Hartiugton is his ‘ you be-damnedness.’ ”