AUCKLAND.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2327, 1 September 1880, Page 2

AUCKLAND.

[■from our own coiiitKsroximxTj. AN AMOROUS CHIROPODIST. Several months ago an avowed specialist in the treatment of corns and bunions and similar pedal excrcsences, arrived in Auckland, and with a grand llourish of trumpets opened a suite of ollices in one of the principal streets. I Tlic town was soon liberally posted j with announcements of his advent, ; troops of small boys were subsidised to I distribute his handbills broadcast, and 1 showy advertisements in the daily newspapers assisted to heighten the effect. To add to these attractions,he bore a romantic name,and had a distingue air. Notwithstanding the fact that the public have been on more than one occasion victimised by visiting charlatans, customers readily llockcd to the new arrival, and ho soon established a • presumably good business, but sinS uuhirlv enoujih no reports of miraculous

cures wore chronicled by the daily prints. Whether or not this departure from the orthodox rule had an injurious effect upon his practice, of course, is not known, but at any rate his energ}’ in advertising and bill printing gradually diminished, and the interest which his Hist appearance had created soon died out. It was only the residents in his immediate vicinity who divined correctly the cause of this unaccountable lit of lethargy. Higher up the street an insinuating French modiste, with fair buxom daughters, cairled on a thriving millinery establishment, and it was perceived the chiropodist had contracted an intimacy with the famil} r . At lirst it was thought that the lady was under treatment, but this impression was quickly effaced, and it become known that the great man’s mind was engrossed with a softer and more interesting subject than corns, chilblains, or bunions. Things were proceeding in this manner when one morning the residents of the street referred to found the shops of the chiropodist and the modiste unopened and apparently deserted. The}’ were sorely perplexed by the strange coincidence, ami ail sorts of rumors prevailed. , The evening paper, however, brought

them relief from their anxiety, for amongst the list of passengers by the Sydney steamer were found the names of “Mr and Mrs- and four children.” ft was plain then that an elopement had been quietly effected, though whether the church has given its sanction to a change of name on the part of “ let ’petite francaise ” still remains a moot point. A LEGAL DON JUAN. Another sudden flight has to be recorded, one of more recent date, and even more significant character. A youthful limb of the law who took Ids university degree, and was admitted to the bar in a neighboring colony, has within the last few days been missed from his accustomed haunts. The fact excited no comment at first, but now it is whispered on pretty good authority that the adolescent wig and gown girded up his loins and fled the scene in consequence of the dread menace of four separate affiliation cases. The report has occasioned some little surprise, inasmuch as while the levanter possessed no striking personal graces nor engaging accomplishments, he was also parsimonious iu his habits. His father is one of the wealthiest men in the colony, but the son docs not derive much present advantage from the fact,_ penuriousness being a family trait. It is said by those who profess a knowledge of such things that after the son had commenced to practise his profession, an allowance of LI per week was made him, so that with a limited business and a stinted annuity his opportunities for dissipation could not have been largo. However, he lias taken an abrupt departure from our midst, and four sorrowing damsels arc stated to bo bitterly lamenting his inconstancy.

Da wAt,i,is’.-; kirk

The general public have been amused, mml the Presbyterian part of the community thrown into a state of indignant surprise by the news that the clerical member for City West (Dr W allP) has just concluded negotiations for the sale of his little Bethel yclept, the Newton Kirk, to the lioiniin Catholics, who intend to fit it up for the reception of a number of Benedictine monks now on their way to Auckland. The position which the worthy doctor occupies in respect of the kirk, and a few particulars relative to the formation of his congregation, require to be stated before the feelings of the Presbyterians can be fully apprehended by people residing at a distance, and therefore it may not be amiss on my part to make a brief explanation of what is a somewhat complex state of affairs. Shortly after the rev. doctor came to the colony he disagreed with the Presbytery, refused to submit to their authority, and forthwith started a Free Kirk of his own in a schoolroom rented for the occasion. The services conducted by him wore distinguished by the puritanical simplicity of the psalmody. Hymns were religiously tabooed as an undesirable innovation, while the house of God was not to be profaned by the introduction of any musical instrument whatever, save the vocal organ with which indulgent nature has endowed us. As the other Presbyterian Churches were at this time engaged in making these very additions, the Kirk became a kind of Cave of Aclullam for the ultraconservative and discontented. In course of time the hired sanctuary proved too small to accommodate all the worshippers, and the pastor delicately suggested to the congregation the advisability of building a Kirk of their own, promising as his contribution to the scheme, a tree site. The idea was warmly espoused, soirees were held, appeals for help made and the members of the congregation wailed upon for subscriptions, the result being the raising of a sum of £(500. AVith this amount in hand the edifice, thenceforth known as the Newton Kirk, was erected and opened with great rejoicings. The doctor signalised his entrance into it by instituting a scries of Sunday evening lectures on the errors of Homan Catholicism which had the effect of drawing crowded assemblages of people and of adding largely to his flock, the Orangemen being especially conspicuous iu their support. All went peacefully for a time, but at length an clement of discord manifested itself, people began to talk about the primitive character of the singing and then the radicals clamored for a harmonium. The doctor severely discountenanced the heretical project, and the bulk of his people were with him in the matter. The agitation, however, went on quietly, and in the meantime the shepherd of the little dock made his debut in parliamentary life. His stringent control over congregational affairs was gradually relaxed, and eventually a reluctant promise _ was wrung from him t..r.. if the majority of his people desired the musical innovation he would not further oppose it. During his first absence at Wellington the vote was taken, proved favorable to the party of progress, and the heretofore obnoxious instrument was accordingly introduced. When the re * M.H.B. returned from the scene of Ids legislative labors, all his youthful and inherent abhorrence for’ the ungodly “ kist o’whistles” asserted itself, and he peremptorily decreed that the instrumental music should no more resound through the sacred structure on the Lord’s Day. The congregational liberals of course objected ; but the doctor was resolute. Then it was proposed that he should retire from the ministry, but this suggestion be unhesitatingly scouted, supnlementmg his declaration with the astonishing statement that the site of the church was his property as well as the church itself, and all that it contained, inclusive of the detested harmonium. This led to the secession of the malcontents, for they had no means of evicting the astute doctor, nor of establishing their claim to the church, seeing that he had received and disbursed all the subscriptions oiMlonations, while Hie conveyance of the site had not been submitted' to writing. Grieved as the secessionists wore at the loss of the beloved Kirk they were determined not to be relieved of the instrument also, and so a deep laid schemcg was laid for its recovery. Watching his opportunity one of the conspirators managed to enter the church during a choir practice, and to get locked in. His confederates had been duly apprised of his success, and in the “ wee sum’ hours ayont the twal,” an express van drove quietly up to the vestry door, received the much disputed harmonium, and as silently departed with it, whither was known only to a few. The doctor was incensed beyond measure at this (to him) unwarrantable intrusion, but all bis storming and lamenting was in vain. The apple of discord lias disappeared, but the soreness of feeling created by it remained. The congregation rapidly decreased in number, until now it exists only iu name, while the musical innovators have so multiplied and strengthened that they maintain a

minister of tbeir own, and are building a pretentious church. The doctor still cherishes a decided antipathy towards them, for their offers to pmrehase the Kirk have not only been declined but their request to rent it on special occasions for lectures, etc., has also been met by refusal. In view of all those circumstances it can scarcely he a matter for wonder that zealous Scots, who pride themselves upon their descent from the historic Covenanters, should feel not only mortified at the doctor’s disposition of the property, but also aggrieved by his personal aggrandisement at their expense. A local paper sarcastically remarks that after the monastery has been started, the quondom champion of Orangeism can scat himself at the street corner and pelt stones at “ the Scarlet Woman ” who bears the mystical number 666.