VARIETIES.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2310, 12 August 1880, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Considerate Mother to Governess: “Miss Smith, don’t let Alfred and Janie sit down on the damp grass, for fear they should catch cold. When they are tired you can sit down and take them on your lap.” How, Indeed ! —Examiner—“ Now tell me what you consider the chief condition of human existence.” Undergraduate “ How so ?” Undergraduate —“ Oh, its very simple ! How can a human being exist who has not the time to do so P

You arc not justified in picking an artist’s pocket because he has pictures. A game of euchre between the seasons. —Spring passes , summer makes it next, autumn orders it up, and winter runs the game out’ English as in Paris, —Mr Sala, in his work, “ Paris Horsolf Again,” tells us that lie found when he was in Paris during the Exhibition, that lie could get a pleasant breakfast at Laurent’s, in the Avenue Mariguy, where there was a waiter who had the art, rare in Paris, of making good tea, and who seemed to have learnt English on the Ollendorff method. You come evening” he said, “ dinner in the garden. In the garden you ‘dine under the trees green. Over the green trees of the garden during the dinner of evening comes the illumination of the gas, Now I give you the hat aud umbrella. Have you his umbrella? Francois, where is the umbrella of the English gentlemen ? Stay, I have the cashmere shawl of the English lady.”

An old and still partially intoxi ated sailor was brought up before Justice Waudell in the Yorkvillo Police Court the other day,aud the following dialogue is reported to have passed between them : Justice : “ Thomas, why do you drink the nasty stuff?" Thomas (saluting the Bcncli iu sailor fashion) : “Does your Honor mean liquor?” “That’s just what I moan,.’ replied the Court ; “it is very nasty stuff,” Thomas “ Your Honor is wrong —all wrong” “ Look at me,” said the Court; “I am over sixty years of age. and I have never tasted liquor,” “ Was your Honor never drunk ?” inquired Thomas. “Never in my life,” was the reply of the Court. “ May Ihe !” retorted Thomas. “Well, your Honor, you’re not too old yet. There’s fun ahead of you —heaps of fun ahead.” Evcrydody in Court was fairly convulsed with laughter, aud Thomas got off with a caution.